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FEELING TIRED AROUND FAMILY
AND "ENERGY SUCKING VAMPIRES"

Question: "I have felt constantly tired around my family for some years now, but am finding it has become worse the last year. Can you tell me why?"

Psychic Advice:
There are many different circumstances that can cause the feeling of being tired and drained around family. This can happen with one's family of origin, as well as with one's own spouse and children (not to mention in-laws!).

The major culprit for feeling tired and drained of energy is the pattern of trying to please others. This comes from a deep feeling of insecurity, of feeling that you are not a good person unless you are constantly doing good things for others, and needing told that what you did is good, and therefore, so are you.

The problem with this is that if you don't feel good enough, nothing you do will ever be enough or good enough, for you or for anyone else. No matter how much praise you receive, it will never be enough to fulfill you, and heaven help you if you receive criticism. Trying to please others is giving from an empty well that becomes emptier and emptier with each act of trying to please.

You can never really please another person, you can only please yourself, but most people (especially women) are taught that giving to themselves is selfish, and you are supposed to give to others all the time. Giving constantly without receiving is a major cause of feeling tired and drained of energy. We must receive energy in order to replenish our energy so we can continue to give more. Many people (especially mothers) give to the point of exhaustion, until they have nothing more to give.

If you continue to drive yourself without filling up your tank, eventually you will run out of gas, then you won't be able to get anywhere, nor give anyone else a lift. Unfortunately, most people these days are running on empty. We don't eat well or sleep enough, and we spend our days meeting everyone else's needs and responsibilities with no time for ourselves. This leads to burnout, exhaustion, and disease.

We need to nourish ourselves physically, emotionally, mentally and spiritually, filling ourselves full so we can give to others from an overflowing cup. We often get so caught up in our roles and duties in life that we lose touch with ourselves and with what gives us joy. Joy and passion feed the heart and soul, so we must give these to ourselves as often as possible.

Many people get so caught up in doing and pleasing that they forget that they can say no. Sometimes, "no" is the greatest gift you can give because it allows you to be honest and loving with yourself, giving others the gift of your integrity. If you say "yes" to something that you really don't want to do, then you will do that thing with resentment, which is definitely not love.

We can put ourselves in positions where everyone just expects us to do everything and to take on all the responsibility. Not only is this a tiring burden, but it also robs others of the opportunity to take power and responsibility for themselves. Next time someone asks you to do something, take a moment to imagine yourself doing that thing and feel how it feels in your heart and in your body. If you feel joy or peace, then say yes, but if you feel tension, pain or discomfort, then honor how you feel and give yourself permission to say no. Let them be creative and find another solution. You have a right to say no, and if others try to manipulate you with guilt, then they simply want to use you and are not respecting you or your boundaries.

Boundaries are extremely important when dealing with family. It is vital to maintain your own identity and support yourself to honor your truth. Imagine yourself surrounded by a bubble of white light that allows you to claim your personal space. You can also imagine everyone else surrounded in their own bubble of white light which contains their power and prevents them from sucking your energy.

There are people who are energy vampires sucking the energy from others. Some do this because of extreme neediness and insecurity, while others seek to rob others of power so they can manipulate, control and overpower them. In either case, it is important that you encase yourself in protective light that acts as your personal forcefield.

Our family knows us intimately: they know our strengths and our weaknesses, and what buttons to push to either encourage us or control us. We have a tendency to lower our guard around family, feeling that it is a safe and loving place. For some people, family can be that place of love and support, while for others, it can be a place of judgment, criticism, control and manipulation. In those types of families, it is important to protect oneself, but maintaining walls, armor and protection can be hard work and very draining. However, feeling needy and insecure, and lacking confidence and self-esteem can leave one vulnerable to attack.

Experiencing a lot of criticism, judgment or abuse, or even a lack of positive feedback, support or appreciation, can leave one feeling drained and empty. If you feel anger, resentment, or lack of forgiveness for someone in your family or related to a particular situation, it can create a constant drain of energy, like a slow leak in a tire that leaves you suddenly feeling flat.

When we are with family, we often fall into old roles, duties, habits and patterns of behavior. After all, if we change, then everyone else has to change, so family members often seek to hold everyone in old places where everything is "familiar". It can be very draining to play a role or wear a mask that does not allow you to be your authentic self - it takes a lot of energy to maintain this charade. It can be even more draining if the persona you are forced to play is a negative one, like the family scapegoat or black sheep, but it can also take a tremendous amount of energy to have to always be the "good" one.

Guilt is a manipulation that controls you and robs you of your power. When you are seeking other people's approval, you are giving them the power to judge you, because approval is just as much of a judgment as disapproval is. Anytime you are seeking to please, you are giving your power away.

Essentially, what you are experiencing is a loss of power, so it may be beneficial to envision yourself cutting all the cords that bind you to others so they stop sucking energy from you. Hold your right hand over your solar plexus at the base of your ribs to center yourself in your power, and give you a greater feeling of confidence. Breathe into your solar plexus to give you strength, and imagine a protective bubble of light all around you. Most importantly, you must follow what gives you joy: give when it feels good to give, and say no when it doesn't. If you honor your own truth, you will maintain your power and energy.

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