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ISSUES IN FAMILY DYNAMICS

Question: "I am easily manipulated into helping family members who have consistently destroyed their lives through drugs, alcohol, bad marriages, etc. I often feel much sympathy for them and try to 'rescue' them. I want to stop, and focus my attention on MY life and needs. How can I make this change without undue duress?"

Psychic Advice:
Our relationships offer us the greatest challenges in life, and also offer us the greatest opportunities to learn and grow. When we incarnate into a particular family, we do so because of many factors, which include sacred contracts, karmic bonds, commitment to service, soul evolution, a mission or soul purpose, etc. Issues in family dynamics often result from any or all of these factors.

We often choose to incarnate lifetime after lifetime with the same group of souls, playing different roles for one another so we can each grow and evolve. We create sacred contracts with certain souls regarding what we intend to do for (or to) one another, so we can learn from those experiences. We may also have unfinished business or imbalances to correct from other lifetimes, which result in karmic bonds with other souls that must be reckoned and rectified in this life, or the next, or the next, until the issue is resolved. Holding energies of bitterness, anger, hatred, resentment, blame, prejudice, debt, dishonesty, lack of forgiveness, victimization, and judgments can all result in karma that binds us to other souls, and requires us to incarnate in various roles together in order to achieve peace, balance and forgiveness.

We each come to Earth with a mission and purpose. Before we incarnate, we set our intention for what we plan to learn, experience and achieve during our lifetime. Our mission often involves other souls, particularly family members. Many children come with the purpose to bring love and joy to their family, and to teach them unconditional love and acceptance. The problem is that many people do not really know how to love or how to feel joy. Children come to teach them how to receive unconditional love so they can then give it. Unfortunately, many families reject this gift because they don't know how to receive it, and it feels unfamiliar and unknown, and therefore, somehow unsafe.

You probably experienced some rejection from your family in your childhood, and have been trying to prove yourself worthy of love by trying to please and help them ever since. Children whose gifts of love and joy are rejected will often feel that they failed in their mission. They do not realize that it is love itself that has been rejected, so they take the rejection personally and feel that they are somehow not lovable or good enough. They will then do whatever it takes to prove themselves lovable and worthy, perhaps for the rest of their life. They will give over and over again, trying to make others happy, and do whatever it takes to have their love received, accepted and validated.

The problem is that we cannot make anyone else happy - we cannot make anyone else feel or do anything that they don't choose to feel or do. We can offer our gifts with all of our heart, but we have no control over how they will be accepted, or whether they will be accepted. All we can do is to keep offering our love without expectation of how it will be received, and give ourselves permission not to take rejection personally.

You cannot actually rescue anyone else, because each person has Free Will and choice. They can either choose to empower themselves and create a joyful life, or they can choose to sabotage their life and happiness - you have no power over this choice, except in your own life.

Those who choose alcohol, drugs, bad relationships, etc., are deeply unhappy and often feel unworthy of joy and love, so they repeatedly reject and sabotage it. They do not know how to love themselves, probably because their parents rejected their love when they were children, so they judged themselves as unlovable and unworthy, and killed the joy that is their natural birthright.

The best way for you to help them is to help yourself. Break the pattern of self-sabotage by allowing yourself to find and live your own joy. This is not simply about finding a way to meet your own needs, because the pattern that you have been playing out with your family has been meeting some of your needs: the need to try to please others, the need to be needed, the need to be a hero, the need to be special or better than others - all of these needs are being met by them playing the role of neediness and you playing the role of rescuer. However, this is not really satisfying anyone's needs, including your own.

Feeling sympathy is not really beneficial, because it breaks your heart and causes you to feel their pain - this is not love. You can hold a feeling of compassion for their pain without taking it on in your own heart. Call upon angels to help them heal and to fill them with as much love and joy as they are willing to receive. Envision them happy, healthy, joyful and prosperous. Most importantly, unconditional love asks you to accept the path that they have chosen, knowing that it is for their highest and best good for the evolution of their soul. We cannot judge the path of another because we do not know what their soul's purpose is for them, so we must accept their path without judgment.

We must not interfere with their journey unless they ask for our help and service. This is the hardest thing to do with those we love, but it is what God does with each of us: to love unconditionally is to be willing to watch those we love go through the lessons they came here to learn, no matter how painful they are. We are asked simply to love and accept them unconditionally, and to bless them on their journey.

Even the most loving parent cannot always be there to prevent their child from falling. The child needs to learn the lessons from falling so they can be empowered and independent on their journey. Love does not ask us to save others from themselves and from their choices, because this is not possible. Love simply asks us to love them and support them in their healing.

The best thing you can do for those you love is to show them how to live and love life, and how to experience joy by being the living example of that. Break free from the role you have been playing and change the rules of the game. As you change, everything around you must change, because we are all connected.

Remember that those around you may resist change, and may try to pull you back down and engage you in old and familiar roles so they don't have to change. This is the hardest thing about dealing with family, and it is why many of us feel like we are twelve again whenever we get together with family members - we get manipulated and sucked back into old, unresolved familiar (family) patterns until we consciously break free from playing those roles and reclaim our authentic power and true identity.

Do not give your power away by seeking other people's approval, because approval is just as much of a judgment as disapproval is, so seeking approval gives others the power to judge you. Give yourself permission to be the loving, joyful, giving person you came here to be without having to prove yourself worthy by measuring how your gifts are received. Start to laugh more, and find the joy and the humor in everything - the Universe is full of humor, if we are willing to see the lighter side of things. Simply love yourself, and be grateful that you are whole, happy, and healthy. Give thanks for all your blessings, and bless all those you love with all that you would wish for them.
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