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Advice Columns
Published Every Wednesday Afternoon (PST)
Relationship advice: problems
ATTRACTING RELATIONSHIPS:
Question: "When will I get my first boyfriend?"
Psychic Advice : No matter what age you are, what people find most attractive in another person is confidence. Popular people are popular because of how they feel about themselves, which makes others see them in the most positive light - this makes them attractive and desirable. The key to love is to love yourself first. If you love things about yourself, other people will recognize and love those things, too.
What really makes people successful or attractive are their thoughts, because those thoughts send out energy waves that are either attractive or repulsive. Positive, loving, joyful thoughts about life and about oneself are attractive - we are drawn to positive people because it feels good to be around this type of energy. Negative, judgmental and self-critical thoughts repel people because others don't want to experience that kind of negative and uncomfortable energy.
Like energy attracts like energy, so you will attract a person who is on the same level as you are. If you are shy, you will tend to attract another shy person, but it can be difficult for two shy people to actually get together because of their shyness - even if they like each other a lot, they often need someone who is not shy to help them take the first step. The key to attracting any relationship is to be the type of person that you want to be with.
Be patient and just focus on developing your relationship with yourself. Get to know who you really are and what you really want in a relationship, and in your life. Discover all that you love about yourself and let that attract to you the love that you want and deserve. Love yourself and your qualities so much that it radiates a light around you that irresistibly attracts to you all that is love, light and joy, and protects you from all else.Remember that quality is much better than quantity where love is concerned, and that it is always best when you are truly ready for it.
Question: "I like this person and he acts like he likes me sometimes, but then he starts liking other girls, too. I am so heartbroken and I don't know how to move on."
Psychic Advice : Some people like to flirt and play with other people's emotions. They thrive on getting other people to like them or want them, and in this way, they feed their ego and take power from the other person. People like this are often very selfish and self-centered, and can never really give to others in relationship. In fact, they are often very vain and narcissistic, and can never love anyone else as much as they love themselves.
Remember that happiness is the best revenge. Let yourself attract someone who can really love you and give you the love that you deserve. Nice guys do really exist. Turn your light on and let yourself shine, radiating the Light of Love, which is beautiful and attractive.
There is a great little song that says, "This little light of mine, I'm going to let it shine, let it shine, let it shine, let it shine." Let that be your motto from now on. Don't let him hurt you or diminish your light. Whenever you see him or think about him, shine your light brightly, and love yourself enough to attract someone who can really love you.
BUILDING RELATIONSHIPS:
Question: "I'm 36 and I just got married two weeks ago. Is there any chance I will get pregnant soon, or am I too old?"
Psychic Advice : Thirty six is not too old to have a baby. Just relax, have fun and enjoy your new relationship with your husband for a while. Don't be in such a hurry. Create a child out of love, not out of stress or trying to beat the clock. Do not turn the act of love that makes a baby into a chore - there is nothing romantic about "having to perform" because you are looking at your watch, calendar or thermometer. Simply open your heart and invite your child into your life to share the love that you and your husband have to give it.
Be aware that marriage changes a relationship, and the first year of marriage can be very challenging to adjust to, even if you have already been living together. The best relationships have a strong foundation of friendship, so take the time to develop that strong friendship with your husband so that you can truly be partners in raising your child. Remember that having a child is a beautiful thing, but also puts a lot of stress on relationships. Right now, enjoy the honeymoon with your husband and let things happen naturally. Just love each other first, and let your child be borne of that love.
ENDING RELATIONSHIPS:
Question: "I'm in a new relationship and I was just wondering if you could tell me if everything is on the up and up with my new boyfriend, or if he is just using me for money. I really need to know this. I love him and don't want to be hurt, but I just have a bad feeling."
Psychic Advice : You really don't need me to tell you what you already know. People are always getting messages from their own intuitive guidance that they don't really want to hear or listen to, but that guidance is really meant to protect you from pain and guide you to your true happiness in life. If you have a bad feeling about anyone or anything, you must listen to it.
People often wonder if these thoughts are just paranoia or insecurity, or are they really messages from their intuitive guidance. It is only paranoia or insecurity if you are always worried that people are just using you for your money, in which case, you have issues with your self-worth, and are probably using your money yourself to attract friends because you believe that no one could love you for who you really are. Feeling the need to buy friendships is unfortunately quite common.
You must love yourself enough to know that you are worth more than your money. If you are having a bad feeling, especially if it is constant and increasing, then it is indicating that you are really in a bad relationship. The best thing to do with a bad relationship is to treat it like a bandaid: ending it quickly will make it sting at first, but drawing it out will only prolong the pain, and prevent healing.
Your intuitive guidance loves you and wants you to be happy. Love yourself enough to listen to it, and let it guide you to your true love and happiness. You are worth it, whether you have money or not.
LETTING GO OF RELATIONSHIPS:
Question: "I am wondering if there is a chance of salvaging a relationship with someone. We love each other very much, but it seems that we don't have much in common and our personalities clash. I made a decision to take time apart but I hope there is some way to make things work between us. I understand that life isn't a fairytale and that sometimes people break up even if they continue loving each other."
Psychic Advice : Where love is created, it can never be destroyed, merely transformed. There is really nothing to salvage here, except a distant friendship. Even with friends, there have to be things that you have in common. You have a chemical attraction to one another, but there is nothing to create a foundation for a happy long-term relationship.
It is best for you to love him and let him go so you can move on to find someone you can really share yourself and your life with. There is nothing lonelier than being in a relationship with someone who does not share any of your interests. If your personalities clash, you will at best irritate each other and get on each other's nerves, and at worst, have terrible arguments all the time. This is no way to live, and it certainly is no fairy tale "happily ever after" romance.
It feels like you are drawn to him karmically, as part of your soul group. He has probably been a brother or family member to you in other lifetimes, so you feel a deep soul love for him, but it is not a romantic love, and you are not compatible for a happy relationship. Love him as you have always loved him, but let him go so you can each step forward into a relationship in which you can be truly happy. This is the most loving thing you could do for both of you.
Question: "My heart pines for the love of an ex-boyfriend. I wish we could get back together. Is there any hope left for me?"
Psychic Advice : Your hope of getting back together is keeping you tied to your ex, and keeping your heart engaged with him, which is preventing you from moving on and finding new love. You are still attached to him, even though you are not together, which means there is no room in your life for someone else, so all of your focus remains on your ex. This is a vicious circle that just keeps you in pain and loneliness. Wishing things could be different will not change what has been, but changing things now will make life different for you in the present and the future.
Often, what most people hold onto after a breakup is a romantic fantasy of all the best things about the relationship, or what could have been if only things had been different. They tend to forget about all the pain that really caused the breakup in the first place. In order for things to be different, what you really want is a different person!
Let yourself cut the ties to your past, accepting the gifts that this relationship gave you and taught you. Give yourself time to heal your bruised heart and ego, then have the courage to let yourself love anew. Decide ahead of time what kind of person and relationship you want in your life, and let yourself attract that. Love yourself enough that you won't settle for anything less than what you truly want and deserve.
Copyright ©2006 Grace & Grace Associates Consulting, Inc. All Rights Reserved
"Responsibility is power. You have the power of choice.
You are always responsible for the choices you make and the actions you take."

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