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DIVORCE: THE END CAN BE THE BEGINNING

Question: "My wife of 16 years told me that she wants a divorce. I cannot imagine myself with another woman. I was wondering if I'll be happy on my own, and any advice would be greatly appreciated?"

"Psychic Advice" : Sometimes relationships end simply because the sacred contract between those two people is complete, and it is time to move on to the next phase of life. In any relationship, if both people are not growing together, they will naturally grow apart. It is important to remember that once love is created, it can never be destroyed, but it can change. You will always have love for your wife, but that love will change and transform through this transition as you change and transform.

It is a good thing that you cannot imagine yourself with another woman. Firstly, it means that you have loved your wife and been devoted to her with your body, mind, heart and soul. Secondly, this is not a time to be thinking about being with another woman - you would simply be using that woman to avoid your emotions and distract you from what you are feeling, which would not be fair to her or to you.

This is a time of growth, healing and transformation for you. If you were to jump into another relationship right away, you would encounter the same unhealed patterns and issues repeating themselves in the new relationship, because you never took the time to heal and address them. This is your time to heal and transform your relationship with yourself, and that is what will allow you to be happy on your own, and with someone else.

In relationships with others, we often make certain compromises in order to have peace and harmony. Sometimes, we let go of things we really enjoy because the other person does not enjoy those things. In that process, we can lose ourselves and our own identity, until we don't recognize ourselves anymore. This is your opportunity to get to know yourself, to do the things you really enjoy doing, and to give love to yourself. As you develop a strong and healthy relationship with yourself, you will live in joy, and that joy will attract others who want to share in your joy, and be in a strong and healthy relationship with you.

Right now, however, you are going through the process of transformation, and that involves death and rebirth. You are in the death phase, where the old is dying to make way for the new. An ending of a relationship is a death, and you will experience the pain of grief (and possibly depression) for a time, which will be a catalyst for your healing and growth. Give yourself the time to go through this process, allowing yourself to feel the full spectrum of emotions as they arise. Let yourself breathe through these emotions, which will support you in your rebirth. Each day will bring a little more peace as you reclaim pieces of yourself until you feel whole once again.

You cannot force someone to stay with you, and you cannot bend over backwards trying to please someone else, so your only viable choice is to accept what is happening, and let go. You and your wife are still co-creating this experience with each other, and it is up to both of you to determine how you will proceed. It is painful to end a relationship, but how you act and react toward each other will either add to the pain, or lessen it.

If you treat each other with bitterness, blame and resentment, then you declare war on each other, which only causes further injuries and casualties (especially if children are involved). If you honor the love that you have for each other, and end the relationship peacefully and amicably, then you take the highest possible path, which will support you in the growth and evolution of your heart and soul, and those of others who are involved. The way you choose to end this relationship will not only affect you emotionally for the rest of this lifetime, but will also have karmic ripples in other lifetimes.

Once you have transitioned through the death phase of ending the relationship, then you can begin the rebirth phase of starting a new life. Some people get stuck here because they never let go, and keep themselves trapped in the past. They are often afraid to let go because they fear change, feeling that the future is unknown, so they hold onto the past because it is familiar (even if it is painful). The heart can also be afraid of being hurt again, so some people can become afraid of love. Every year, people get injured by taking a shower or bath, but that doesn't stop you from taking the risk of bathing every day, so cleanse yourself of any fear of love.

Use this time to complete the old, so you can enjoy the new. Finish old tasks and let go of unfinished business that has been draining your energy and holding you back. As you and your wife divide your belongings, take only the things you really love, the things that reflect who you really are and who you are becoming. Then allow yourself to let go of the past, so you can truly move forward, and move ahead.

Whether you are alone or with someone else, your present and future happiness is really up to you - it is your choice, and it is determined by the choices of thoughts, feelings, actions and reactions that you make in each moment, and the series and patterns of those choices. Right now, you can choose to love yourself, and to do the things that are most loving for you. Explore the things that give you joy and that make you feel good about yourself. Watch out for things that simply make you feel good, because some of these things can be temptations that can lead to mood-altering addictions in order to avoid feelings. Do the things that make you feel great, like exercise, or tackling difficult tasks and challenges, or doing some of the things you've always wanted to do that have been sitting on the back burner of your life.

You may find that doing the things that you love to do makes you enjoy your life so much that you feel absolutely happy and content on your own, and don't need anyone else. This is the difference between being by yourself, or being with yourself. Being content is the best place to be, because it is true wholeness. Need is not love, it is emptiness seeking to be filled, but we cannot fill the void within us with someone else, we can only fill it with ourselves. A needy person will only attract another needy person, and two "have-to-have's" will not make a whole!

Like attracts like, so once you know who you are and are doing the things you truly enjoy in life, then you will attract someone who shares those joys and interests. The best and most enduring relationships are based on friendship, so begin by being a friend to yourself first. When you feel joy and love for yourself, that energy is powerfully attractive and magnetic, and will attract all that will give you love and joy. Set yourself and your wife free with peace and love so you can move forward to enjoy the next phase of your life.

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