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THE COURAGE TO END A RELATIONSHIP

Question: "Could you address the topic of ending relationships and releasing the guilt of destroying someone's life. Please touch on people who refuse to let go out of guilt and fear while at the same time knowing it is time."

Psychic Advice : Ending relationships is never easy, and is often fraught with all kinds of mixed emotions for all those involved. The more time is invested in the relationship, the more difficult and challenging it can be to let it go. Ending a relationship creates tremendous change for all those concerned, especially if there are children involved, or in cases where there are close relationships with extended family or shared friendships.

Where love is created, it can never be destroyed, merely transformed. Most people do not want to hurt the people they love, so they try to avoid doing so, or put it off as long as possible. But if the relationship is unhappy or unfulfilling, then at least one partner is suffering, and suffering is not love. When one party in a relationship is unhappy, it affects the other partner and all those around them, because emotions create energy waves that affect people subconsciously.

People stay in unhappy relationships for many reasons. Some people are afraid to let go because they fear being alone, and are afraid there may not be anyone else for them in the future. Others are afraid to let go because they don't want to hurt or disappoint anyone, and are worried about what other people will think. Some people stay in relationships, particularly marriages, because they don't want to hurt the children, or other family members. Some people stay in long-term relationships because they don't want to divide shared assets. Other people stay attached to a relationship as a "safety net" so they are not completely available to others, especially if they are having affairs with other people.

There are many, many reasons that people stay in bad relationships, even in abusive relationships. Guilt and fear are very strong emotions - sometimes they may even feel stronger than love, and therefore they become very compelling. An abuser will often use guilt and fear to manipulate their partner into staying in the relationship, convincing them that there is nowhere else to go, and no one else who will love them. Even though a relationship may be painful, it has become a known and familiar pain, whereas leaving the relationship leads to the unknown, which many people fear.

Leaving any type of relationship is going to cause pain to someone you once loved or cared about. In essence, ending a relationship creates a wave of pain and change that is proportionate to the amount of time, energy and emotion invested in the relationship. This action is going to change the lives of everyone involved, but one cannot take responsibility for ruining someone else's life, because that is their choice as to how they respond to the situation, and their future depends on what they choose to do with their life from that point on.

The way that one goes about ending a relationship greatly impacts how much responsibility one bears for the other person's pain. If a person ends the relationship in a vindictive, cruel or deceitful way, then they are adding insult to injury, and are causing intentional harm to the other person. However, if a person leaves the relationship in as loving, compassionate and kind a way as possible, attending to the other person's needs wherever possible, then the breakup is as energetically and karmically clean as it can be.

In life, our first responsibility is to our own happiness and wellbeing, because if we do not take care of our own needs, no one else can. If a person is not happy in a given relationship, then it is best to communicate that unhappiness so both parties can try to do whatever they can to change the situation for the better. If every effort has been made to improve the relationship but nothing changes, then a trial separation would be advisable. Sometimes, people just need time and space away from each other in order to see the truth of the situation, and to have greater clarity as to what they want for themselves. At this point, if being separated creates a sense of greater peace and wellbeing, then that is the right choice for that individual, and ideally, both people will feel the same way.

The problem comes when the other party does not want to end the relationship, and is holding on for their own reasons. Some people may still be in love with their partner, or may have grown dependent on their partner, or be jealous of their partner being with someone else, or be a person of undying loyalty, or they don't want to feel rejection, or failure, etc. There are many reasons why people don't want to let a relationship go, but all relationships are dealing with the Free Will of two individuals, and we cannot force another person to stay in a situation against their wishes, nor can we force another to love us, or to let go.

Everything changes in life, and we either choose to grow together in relationship, or we grow apart. Ending a relationship can be devastating, and is a type of death, which involves pain and grief for all concerned. This is why guilt may arise for the person who is choosing to leave, but each person must honor his/her own truth. The key is to help everyone involved to heal in the best possible ways, releasing guilt and blame, and accepting change, because resistance only causes more pain. The choice of what to do next and how to live life from that point onward is always up to each individual. Ultimately, by having the courage to let go of an unfulfilling relationship, both parties are set free to find and create their own happiness (even if it does not feel that way at first).

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