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IS HE MY SOUL MATE?

Question: "Do you believe that every one of us will eventually find our soul mate if we want to badly enough? I am married with a daughter but don't believe I've met my soul mate. Will it ever happen?"

Psychic Advice : People are often confused about what a soul mate is. We have ideas fueled by romance novels about fireworks and passion, a burning love that is all-consuming. Fireworks may be magnificent, but only last a short time before they fade away. Many relationships that are based solely on the fires of passion and physical attraction tend to burn out over time, leaving a sense of emptiness and loneliness.

A soul mate is a member of your soul group and soul family, which are the souls you choose to incarnate with lifetime after lifetime, playing different roles for one another to assist in the growth, learning and evolution of each soul. A soul mate can be the love of your life in one lifetime, then in the next lifetime that soul can be your child, or your parent, or your brother or sister, which creates a great deal of emotional confusion because you may still feel drawn to that soul as the great love of your life, but it is forbidden to desire that kind of relationship within the family.

A soul mate is one with whom you will feel comfortable and at peace. You may not necessarily feel great sparks of passion and attraction, but you will feel a deep sense of love and connection, often with a feeling of having known each other forever, even from the first moment that you meet.

A person may have more than one soul mate, but may not necessarily encounter their soul mate in a way that allows them to have an intimate physical relationship with that person. We attract the relationships that we have in our lives for many reasons - often for karmic reasons so that we can complete unfinished business from the past, so both souls can grow and evolve, especially through love and forgiveness. We can never escape from the past, it follows us from lifetime to lifetime until it is healed and resolved.

In this lifetime, it feels to me like you are lonely and longing for something that you feel you do not have. Often, what we desire most is a sense of true intimacy, not just physical intimacy, but a feeling of being heard, a sense of caring and emotional connection. In our present society, men are often taught to distance themselves from their emotions, which causes them to put up a wall that impedes true intimacy and communication. They are often somewhat afraid to feel deeply, and to connect with the deepest parts of themselves. This is why men find it safe to hide behind conversations of sports, weather, business or news, because it keeps everything on the surface and keeps them from having to really connect with others.

What I feel you desiring is a real connection, and it may be possible for you to have that in your present relationship. The first thing to do is to find common ground. Look at what his interests are and see if you can participate with him in any of those (unfortunately, some men seek to use their interests in order to escape intimacy, and hang around with the guys who don't challenge them to be anything other than superficial). Some men need space and time to be on their own, so do not try to become his twin or he might resort to pushing you further away with hurtful comments in order for him to reclaim his sacred space. But it there are things that you can enjoy together as a couple, or together with your daughter as a family, this will build a stronger connection of joy, and will give you more things in common that you can talk about. Feelings of intimacy and connection begin with communication.

Also, you may be holding feelings of anger and resentment toward your husband for not being the soul mate you believe you want, and these negative emotions may be pushing him away, and keeping him from being the kind of partner that you desire to have. Forgive him and release him for everything he has done in the past, in this life and others, then allow yourself to love him as he is. Allow yourself to invite him to move toward you, make it safe for him to come closer and to feel love and intimacy. This can be very frightening for men, because it can make them feel weak and vulnerable and out of control - men often feel strongest when they are in control of their emotions, hiding behind their suit of armor, but all human beings want to love and be loved, so make it safe and inviting for him to be in that space with you, and be patient. You must also be willing to have that kind of loving and intimate relationship with him. Sometimes, believing that what you want is somewhere else can prevent you from having it right where you are.

Something attracted you to be with him in the first place, but sometimes we can be attracted for karmic reasons. If it is only karma that has drawn you together, then forgiving him for everything in the past throughout all time will release you both and free you to experience love. Where love is created, it can never be destroyed, only transformed, so be willing to experience love in your life right now, and to draw all that is love toward you.

You may find this audio program helpful:
Soul Groups: Friends & Family

Question: "I am with a wonderful guy and planning to get married. But I also have been divorced once before and I want to make sure he is the right one because I don't want to put my kids through another divorce."

Psychic Advice : It is perfectly natural to be "once bitten, twice shy". You don't want to be hurt again, and you don't want your children to go through the pain of having their home devastated again either. The first thing is to learn to trust yourself and how you feel. There are many second marriages that are built on lifelong enduring love. People can learn a great deal through divorce about themselves and about other people; their pain causes them to look within themselves to examine who they are and what they truly want in life.

What is most important is that a person must learn to make choices and decisions for the right reasons. Some people get married because they don't want to be alone, others because they feel that a clock is ticking and they fear there won't be anyone else, some want a parent for their children, and others marry simply because the other person loves and wants them, or because all the arrangements have been made and they are afraid to honor their true feelings because they don't want to hurt, disappoint or upset anyone else. These are all the wrong reasons to marry.

We have been liberated in our modern times from the absolute need to get married. People are free to live together, to have children out of wedlock, and are subject only to their own personal morals and values. We are no longer required to have arranged marriages in most western society, and so we are free to choose what is right for ourselves.

The only reason to get married is out of a strong bond of love, and a desire to share that love and grow together throughout a lifetime. In order to do that, you must make sure that the love you feel is deep within your heart, and you must be able to imagine yourself growing with this person in the future, because in relationship, we either grow together or we grow apart over time. It is not necessary for both people to have all the same interests or desires, but you do have to be on the same page as to what kind of life you want to live, because you will be sharing in each other's hopes and dreams of the life you want to create together.

It is wise before entering marriage to discuss each other's visions and desires for the future: where in the world do you want to go, what do you want to do and experience, who do you want to be and what do you want to achieve and accomplish? Asking these questions will not only help you to know what is in the other person's heart and mind, but relationships are a partnership of supporting each other to achieve those hopes and dreams in life. A marriage is best when it is a team effort to work together to win at life.

Don't be afraid to ask the tough questions, and to address anything that you feel uncomfortable about. Many people just sweep these things under the rug, thinking that these issues will just go away, or that the other person will somehow change, but they don't and they won't. Once you get married, you are signing a lifelong contract that not only affects you (and your children) for the rest of this life, but for other lifetimes as well, depending on how you handle this one.

The time leading up to marriage is the final interview process before you hire that person for the most important position in your life. Use that time to ask the questions you need to ask, and address the issues you need to address so you can be at peace in your heart, and so you can trust yourself to make the right choice. Many people are afraid that doing this will push the other person away, but if that is the case, then the relationship is not strong or intimate enough to endure the ups and downs of marriage. Many people, women especially, get so caught up in the idea of marriage and in the plans for the wedding that they don't stop to examine the relationship itself.

You already feel that you are with a wonderful man, so trust him and yourself to really get to know who he is, and then you can trust your decision to marry him, and feel at peace with taking that step for your sake and for that of your children. Always trust how you feel, and pay attention to the things that make you feel uncomfortable, then address those things and clear the air. Don't be afraid to discuss your fears with your fiance, after all, you have to be able to trust him with your feelings and with the most intimate part of yourself in order for you to have true closeness, intimacy and security with him.

There are no guarantees in life, but the more you are willing to be authentic and true to yourself, the more you can trust in the truth and authenticity of others around you, because like attracts like. Also, the more honest you are with yourself and with your feelings, the more clearly your own intuition and inner knowing will be able to guide you, support you and assist you to have the love and the life that you want. Trust yourself first and foremost - always trust and explore how you feel inside, no matter what anyone else says or does. Trust that he feels like a wonderful man, and take the steps that you feel drawn to take. I wish you and your children all the best for your future and for your family.

You may find this audio program helpful:
KEEPING RELATIONSHIPS REAL

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