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Free Weekly Syndicated
Advice Columns
Published Every Wednesday Afternoon (PST)
Layoffs: WHAT WORKS AND WHAT DOESN'T
Question: "My family has been plagued by layoffs at work for the last 18 months and this has resulted in marital conflicts and depression, and significant weight gain for my husband. Is there anything positive you can offer us for the future?"
Psychic Advice : Many people are going through enormous changes right now for a variety of reasons. It is a time of growth and evolution, which often occurs through pain and discomfort, causing us to stretch ourselves beyond our comfort zone. Many people fear change, because change means leaving what is known and familiar in order to step out into what is new and unknown. We tend to become comfortable being uncomfortable, because it feels safe, secure and within our control. When massive change occurs, it creates upheaval that changes the lives of everyone and everything that is touched by it.
Whenever change occurs, it provides new opportunities - when one door closes, other doors appear. All of those doorways represent new possibilities. Some of those doors are wide open, some of them need to be opened or unlocked, and some of them remain locked for now until one is ready. Your spouse has had the pain of having some doors slammed in his face, and the door that he is now choosing to step through is the doorway to depression. This is perfectly understandable; it is a door that many people choose to walk through in painful circumstances, but it is important to remember that there are many other doorways of possibility available, which the depressed person often forgets, making them feel even more hopeless and depressed.
When people go through the pain of a loss of a job or a relationship, it can challenge their sense of self-esteem and their very identity. They can have a tendency to question their own worth and value, and may come to feel that they have been discarded because they have nothing worthwhile to offer. Once the mind starts to proceed along this pattern of thinking, that person will continue to descend farther and farther into depression and eventually, into hopelessness. What is even worse is that this depression, this black hole, will suck everyone else into the darkness as well, likeA storm of emotion is brewing in your house right now, a great destructive cyclone.
A storm of emotion is brewing in your house right now, a mixture of fear, anger, sorrow, impatience, hopelessness, anxiety, etc. These emotions are occurring in both you and your spouse. Your husband is feeling low, worthless, afraid, and anxious for the future. Instead of focusing his mind creatively on what possibilities might be available to him, he is focusing his mind destructively on loss, depression and self-punishment. He is gaining weight because his self-esteem has been hurt and he is turning to food for comfort, and not taking care of himself physically, which only lowers his energy and self-esteem even further.
You are feeling frustrated and helpless, watching the person that you love sitting there in pain, knowing that you can't do anything to help someone else unless they want to be helped. Over time, your feelings of helplessness and frustration will turn to anger and resentment, and eventually may even become disgust and rage, because you must stand by and watch someone you love destroy the person you love, and become someone else entirely. If he will not love himself, he will not allow anyone else to love him either, and you may grow to hate that. You are also feeling anxious for the future, and that is perfectly understandable.
What I would suggest to you is that you both examine what may be behind door number 2, or doors number 3, 4 or 5. Look at what other options may be available. Your husband may have to change what he has been doing, or change how or where he has been doing it. If he truly loves what he does, then he may need to look at different companies, or different ways of doing what he does, or perhaps even take the risk to go out and do it on his own, especially if there are other members of your family in a similar situation.
Perhaps it is time for a change for your husband to do what he really enjoys doing and find a way to get paid for it. Your husband should make a list of all the things he likes to do in life, and a second list of all the things that he is good at, trained in or qualified for. Then he should make a third list of the type of lifestyle that he enjoys - what would his ideal workday look and feel like? He should look at these three lists and find what they have in common, putting the pieces of his life together like a puzzle so that he can see the big picture. While he is developing his new plan, he may need to find a job in the meantime, such as nighttime security, where he can think about his life and plan for the future.
What I would also suggest is that your family gets out of the house and becomes more active. When depression sets into a household, it sits like a dark cloud that hovers there until some fresh air comes to blow the storm over. Open the windows in your house and let fresh air in, even if it is cold - the mind needs oxygen in order to think clearly, and fresh air does wonders to clear the mind. Also, becoming more active, even just walking, moves energy, lifts the spirits, and will have everyone, especially your husband, feeling better with a brighter outlook on life.
If your husband does not reach out to see what other doors are open, your frustration may lead you to walk out the door, but again, you must realize that there are always many doors and many choices available to you in any moment. The doorway of depression leads to a never-ending hall of darkness, unless that person chooses to see the light and open another door of possibility. There are always choices available, and right now, you must all choose to accept the change that has occurred, and choose to change in a positive direction. Look for the choices and opportunities available to you instead of focusing all your energy on the doors that have closed. Look for the doors that are open, and look for the keys that will open other doors for you.
A world of opportunity is available to you and to your husband every moment of every day - you just need to find the key, and that key is in your mind. When you open your mind to see and create the possibilities, the whole world opens up to you. You hold the key to your future by the thoughts you think, the beliefs you hold about yourself and the world around you, and by the choices you make. Which door will you choose?
Life is all about choice, every moment of every day of every life, and those choices determine your outcomes and experiences. So choose well, and if you don't like what you have chosen, remember that you can always choose again. You choose your thoughts, your attitudes, your beliefs, your perspectives, your actions, reactions and responses, and all of these determine how you experience your life. You can change them at any moment, and that will change your life. The only choice you cannot make is a choice for another person - each person must choose their own experiences in life, and you can choose to react and respond to their choices, or not. It is your choice.
Remember, just because you choose to open a door in order to see what's behind it, does not mean that you have to walk through that door. If you do walk through a particular door, you are never stuck - you can always choose to open another door. Even when you walk through the final door of this lifetime, it only presents you with a myriad of other doorways to choose from.
Copyright ©2006 Grace & Grace Associates Consulting, Inc. All Rights Reserved
"Responsibility is power. You have the power of choice.
You are always responsible for the choices you make and the actions you take."
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