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Relationships:
The Power of Attraction

Question: "There is this man that I have developed a very strong attraction for although I am scared to death to contact him. Afraid the feeling may not be mutual, I guess. I have not dated in two years due to a bad relationship in the past. I am moving on and forward, but still a little scared. Does this man expect me to make a move or what? Please help."

Psychic Advice : I can understand your fear - once we have been hurt, everything inside us wants to avoid being hurt again. But just because you have been burned while cooking does not mean that you will never cook, it simply means that you will learn to be more careful and to handle things differently so you will not get burned again. The heart is a delicate thing, but it is also very strong and resilient.

The first thing that you must decide for yourself is that the past does not equal the future, because you are now a different person, and you are making different choices for yourself. We tend to repeat patterns until we learn the lesson and receive the gifts from them, so it would be wise to ask yourself what you learned and gained from your past relationship(s). What strengths and wisdom do you now possess as a result of your experience? Allow yourself to fully receive those gifts. Forgive your previous partners, as well as yourself, then bless them, wish them well and let them go. You may want to visualize yourself cutting all ties to the people in the past, and taking your power back now in the present.

Next you must examine what exactly is attracting you to this man: is it simply a physical attraction, or does he possess qualities and attributes that are important to you? Do you have things in common? Try to find out what his likes and dislikes are, but do not mold yourself to try to be what you think he wants - instead make sure that the things he wants and enjoys are also things that you truly want and enjoy. If you are not into casual dating, make sure that this man is really someone you would want in your life before you take the next step. If you find that your attraction to him is more than skin deep, try to find ways to speak to him casually, getting to know him better, and let him get to know you.

People are most attractive when they are shining brightly and exuding an energy of joy - your fear and unhealed pain may be dimming your light and vibrancy, so before you see him or speak to him, close your eyes and imagine a beautiful ball of light around you, and feel light and joy shining in your heart and in your eyes. Better yet, do this first thing every morning, because this light not only makes you more attractive, it is also the light of protection that will keep you safe. You can increase your self-confidence by placing your right hand on your solar plexus just under your ribs, breathing into that area to center yourself in your power.

If he is still not "making a move" after you have spoken to him a few times, then consider asking him to go for coffee or a walk sometime. Keep it light and casual. If you have found out that he likes to do certain things that you also enjoy doing, then invite him to join you for one of those activities. We live in a time where women are empowered to be more assertive, and you do not have to passively wait for a man to take charge. If you find that this man is really what you want, then go for it. Keep it friendly and casual, and you will have nothing to lose and potentially everything to gain. If he turns out not to be the right man for you, then keep shining your light and let the Light of Love attract the love you really want and deserve.

Question: "I've always made good, strong choices in my life and when it comes to relationships with men, I care about their life choices (IE. PREVIOUS LONG-TERM RELATIONSHIPS, CHILDREN BY EX-WIVES, OR MORE THAN ONE EX-WIFE/GIRLFRIEND). I haven't felt attracted to anyone in such a long time and don't go out, but recently, I've crossed paths with a man that I've found myself thinking about and feeling attracted to (we have a good laugh and I have fun in his company), but he is someone I would never get involved with, even on a casual level because he is someone whose life choices I don't respect. What is going on? Do we vibe each other on a different level? Why is this happening to me?"

Psychic Advice : There are many reasons we can be attracted to someone. Of course, we are most aware of physical attraction, and also of sexual chemistry, but that is not always what draws us to others. We are often attracted to someone who makes us laugh and feel good, but sometimes, we may be drawn to something "dangerous" that is out of our comfort zone and sparks adrenaline, which acts like a drug and makes us feel high.

If we do not feel worthy of truly being loved, then we may attract the wrong type of person into our lives who gives us the type of "love" or pain that we feel we deserve. We can also attract someone who is like our opposite-sex parent, especially if there are unresolved issues in our parental relationship, which will cause us to repeat certain relationship patterns until we heal our own self-worth and judgment.

Your issues with his previous relationships may be reflecting your own insecurity, however, if he has patterns of abandoning wives, girlfriends and children, then he may not be able to commit to a healthy relationship. You cannot fix or heal another person unless they want to change themselves. It would be wise to ask what happened in those previous relationships that caused them to fail, keeping in mind that you will only be getting his perspective and that he may be defensive.

If he is willing to take responsibility for his part of what happened (after all, it does take two to tango), then it means he is willing to address and heal his own issues. In that case, he may be willing to break his past patterns with your help. If, on the other hand, it was all "the other person's fault", then he has not grown from the experience and will likely repeat the pattern all over again.

Because you feel so comfortable with this man, and have fun and laughter in his company, he is probably part of your soul group - like a soul brother to you. Often, when we have a sense of instantly knowing someone, it is because our souls are connected from past lifetimes together (this can also be the case if you feel an instant dislike for someone for no apparent reason). Sometimes that karmic draw or aversion can feel irresistible.

Part of you may be feeling that the people you have been attracted to in the past have not worked out for you, so that part of you may be willing to test the waters and try something different. It can also be that you are attracting a man with whom you feel safe so you can start to shift your beliefs about men to allow for relationships. Often, when a person has been hurt in the past, it is helpful to forge friendly relationships that allow for feelings of trust, comfort and safety in order to feel comfortable to be in a relationship again.

In your case, it feels to me like this is a lesson in compassion. You have strong values and moral judgments that may be narrowing your viewpoint so that no one can measure up to your requirements and expectations. This man's value system may not be aligned with yours, and you may not respect his past choices, but what is more important is who he is today. You are being invited to feel acceptance and compassion for him, in order to broaden your heart and your mind, increasing your capacity for love and non-judgment. You may find that your value systems are not compatible with his for a long-term relationship, and you do not have to settle for less than what you truly deserve and desire for yourself, but he may be helping you to relax and enjoy the moment, opening your heart and your mind in love.

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