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To Leave or Not to Leave,
That is the Question

Question #1: "I would like to know whether to move on from my marriage or try to repair the damage. I keep getting a feeling that I should go back and repair it."

Psychic Advice : This type of question requires more information in order for me to give a thorough answer, and in my private readings, I have helped many people to heal and resolve their relationship issues and questions. What I perceive from your question is that if your own guidance and intuition is telling you to try to heal the relationship, then you need to listen to your heart. It may not necessarily be about healing the marriage itself, but it could be about taking the opportunity to heal the rift between you and your spouse by re-connecting as friends. Once you develop a strong bond of friendship together, then you can see what else can develop in the relationship, and what kind of love remains. This might require starting over by dating one another in order to fall in love again. Give each other plenty of space, and don't make any promises for the future, but see where working together in the present will lead you.

It sounds like there is unfinished business between you, which will create karma that will bond you together to resolve this in other lifetimes if you do not heal it in this life. This entails a question of forgiveness: are you willing to forgive each other and love one another again in this lifetime? You may as well heal this now to the best of your ability, but remember, it takes two to tango. Your partner also has to be willing to dance with you without stepping on each other's toes. Perhaps it's time to learn a new dance together, instead of repeating the old one that obviously did not end up flowing so well. If you love your spouse, then you owe it to yourself and to each other to make sure that you are making the right decision. At least, by reconnecting to heal the relationship, you will heal any painful karma between you, and make peace that will allow you to move forward, whether that will be together or apart.

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Question #2: "My relationship is not stable, because after 12 years, suddenly, I intuitively feel that my husband may not be very ethical, faithful, and may have indulged in emotional or physical entanglements. How would I know if he has done such things, and how to tackle it properly?"

Psychic Advice : Long-term relationships and marriage can be very challenging. People grow and change in life, and a couple can either choose to grow together or grow apart. Spouses can start to take each other for granted after many years together, and they often stop having the kind of fun and romance that attracted each other in the first place. Newness is exciting, but it takes a fair amount of commitment and creativity to keep that kind of passion going, which is why people, especially men, can be drawn to the excitement of meeting new people and doing new things.

Before we address the question of how to find out what your husband may be up to, you must ask yourself what would it mean to your marriage, and what are you willing to do about it? What do you really want, and what are you willing to do to achieve that? Men become attracted to other situations because it offers them something that they are not getting in their present relationship - it is not always about sex, often it is about feeling needed, desirable, attractive, exciting and powerful as a man. If you really want to reconnect with your husband, what can you do to bring that sense of excitement and newness back into your relationship? If he has strayed emotionally or physically, are you willing to forgive him and work on strengthening your marriage, or would you choose to end the marriage? Which would make you happier?

You must always trust your own feelings, and your own intuition, but watch out for suspicion. Trust is key to loving relationships, and once trust is broken on either side, it is difficult to repair. Anger, bitterness, resentment and suspicion will push people away, rather than inviting them to come closer to you. You must be clear about what you really want the outcome to be, regardless of the circumstances. If you want to be closer with your husband, then you need to create the space of love and non-judgment that would allow him to feel safe to move towards you, in order for him to open up to you. Obviously the shift that you feel in him is causing you pain and concern, but make sure that your response to that - your words, energies, and actions - are not further pushing him away and supporting what you don't want. Ask yourself, what do you need to do in order to get the outcome that you truly desire?

If this change in him has been sudden, then it is easier to address, because it indicates that he is feeling an unmet need, which you may be able to fulfill, if you are willing to do so lovingly and non-judgmentally. He is probably going through a major transition where he is needing to re-evaluate what is important to him in life - this occurs at different stages of a person's life, often around milestone birthdays of 30, 40, 50, 60, etc. This has been referred to as a mid-life crisis, but really, it is a time of restlessness where a person needs to examine what is working and what is not working, and what he wants the rest of his life to be like. You are probably going through a similar evaluation process of your own, and deciding how this marriage feels to you and what you want for your future.

I would suggest to you that you ask your husband in a loving and friendly way to discuss how you both can meet each other's needs, and how you can make your marriage more fun, exciting and fulfilling for one another. Express to him how you would like your relationship to be now and for the future, and ask him what he wants the marriage to be like for him now and for the future. Be willing to address what is missing for each of you, and what you can both do to change that. This discussion of what is missing in your relationship will give you a good idea of what he needs, and what he may or may not have been doing about it.

Make it safe for him to share his feelings with you, and invite him to let you know what is going on within him. But be warned: most men do not like to be interrogated and they will get very evasive and defensive. They also like to solve their problems on their own as much as possible, believing that showing needs is a weakness. Let him feel how much you love him, and how much you want to be his friend and support him through whatever he is dealing with in any way you can. Ask him to tell you what you can do for him, and be willing to hear the answer - be patient as it may take a few days or even weeks for him to feel safe to reveal his needs to you. You must also express your own needs, but in a way that does not make him feel inadequate.

It would be a good idea to set a weekly date night where you plan something fun and exciting to do to breathe new life into the relationship, and make it new again. You can each put ideas in a box of things you would like to do or try, and then each week pull one of these ideas out and be willing to try it. Marriage is about friendship and partnership in life. You can rebuild love and trust, if you are willing to have patience, compassion and forgiveness. In any situation, if you want to find problems, you will certainly find problems, but if your desire is to find solutions, then you will create solutions.

(What I have suggested above is a more holistic approach to healing the instability in your marriage, but if you still have a burning desire for direct answers, a pendulum is a powerful tool that can answer any question, as long as you are really willing to know the truth.)

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Question #3: "I am married to a Muslim man, but I secretly left Islam. I live in Kuwait now and so if one becomes an apostate, I could be sentenced to death or lose my children so that they don't leave Islam due to their Mother's re-conversion back to Christianity. Should I leave my husband?"

Psychic Advice : Every choice has consequences, as each choice sets in motion a sequence of events, options, choices, and repercussions. The choice of whether to leave a marriage always has consequences that should be taken into careful consideration before making such a decision. Ending any relationship is a painful process on all sides, and can often leave all those concerned with deep feelings of grief and loss - similar to the death of a loved one, because it is the death of a love relationship.

Before you do anything, it would be a wise idea for you to imagine what your future will be like if you stay, and imagine what your future will be like if you leave. Imagine various scenarios, choices and possibilities, and see which one feels the best. Only you know what is true for you, so allow yourself to feel out the different paths available to you, along with the changes they require, and see which one fits best with what you want your life to be like.

In your case, you must choose very carefully, because the consequences of staying or leaving can be dire, involving life and death. To stay may mean losing your life, but it may also mean sacrificing your spirit in a life that you are not happy with. To leave may mean losing your children, because it will be difficult (if not impossible) for you to maintain custody of your children. You live in a culture where women and children are considered to be possessions, and it will take a lot of courage on your part to reclaim your power and sovereignty.

If you stay in your marriage, you must be careful about concealing the fact that you have left Islam. It is difficult to live your life pretending to be something you do not choose to be, not only because it is very painful and exhausting to maintain living a lie, but also because if you are not sincere, others will feel it, and become suspicious. Most of what we communicate to others is nonverbal, through energy and body language that other people can intuitively pick up on.

There is a reason you chose to marry this man, and there is a reason that you chose to convert to Islam - you must examine these reasons in order to know your own truth. Thoroughly consider all your options (including the option of returning to Islam in order to remain safely where you are). Whatever you do, you cannot do it half way, you must make your choice whole-heartedly and fully commit to that. If you leave, there is no going back, and if you stay, you must choose to be happy with that choice so that you are not living in pain and sacrifice. Be brave and be strong, and hold to your truth. I wish you all the best, and I send you much love, light and support at this time.

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You are always responsible for the choices you make and the actions you take."