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"Bad effects of low self-esteem", Psychic Advice Column addresses inquiries related to: Bad effects of low self-esteem, Makeover for developing self confidence, How low self esteem effects intimate relationships, Partner's low self confidence, Low self esteem solutions, Debt self confidence ,How low self-esteem effects the mind, What causes low self esteem & lack of confidence, Self sabotage and causes, How to correct low self esteem, How to overcome anxiety, depression and low self-esteem, How to raise your self confidence, How do you get low self esteem, & more...

BAD EFFECTS OF LOW SELF-ESTEEM

Question: "I'm concerned with where my life is going. I am 21 years old and feel like I won't get anywhere. All my friends are having fun, finished colleges, found these great jobs and I haven't. I was also hurt by 2 of my closest friends a couple of years ago and wasn't able to move past it. I have ruined a great relationship with a guy because I was hurt and wasn't my strong self. After that he moved away and now he's back, he's been calling and I don't know what I should do? I used to think that he was the one but I don't want to see him. I'm not where I want to be and he has accomplished A LOT."

"Psychic Advice":
You are suffering from the bad effects of low self-esteem, which will continue to sabotage your life, your success and your happiness as long as you allow it to continue. Your life is going wherever your predominant thoughts will steer you, because what you focus on most of the time is what you will attract and experience. If you keep telling yourself repeatedly that you are not getting anywhere in life, then nowhere is where you will find yourself.

You are trapped in self-sabotage, which is becoming a prison that is threatening to ruin your life. When other people hurt you, you respond by hurting yourself. You keep negatively comparing yourself to others, which is making you feel inferior. This is then causing you to want to retreat and hide from the world, because you do not feel good about yourself. This won't allow you to accomplish anything good, which will continue to make you feel bad about yourself. This is how low self-esteem effects the mind, but there are low self-esteem solutions.

What causes low self-esteem & lack of confidence?

There are many factors that cause low self-esteem and lack of confidence. Competition and expectations are often the causes of low self-esteem: competing and comparing yourself with others to the point that you feel that you don't measure up, and feeling that you do not meet the expectations of others, which become adopted as your own expectations of yourself. Fear of failure and disappointment, as well as a lack of faith and trust in yourself, can cause a lack of confidence.

Life lessons often come through trial and error - this is how we learn, grow and evolve. Whenever you try something, the only way you can fail is to give up, or to fail to receive whatever you gained from the experience. There really is no such thing as failure, because we learn from every experience, which makes us stronger and wiser for the next experience.

Whenever you do not succeed at something, you can choose to see it as a failure (which robs you of power and confidence), or you can choose to see that every attempt brings you closer to success (which is an empowering viewpoint). Thomas Edison did not invent the lightbulb on his first try - many successes are the result of learning from and improving upon repeated failures. When you were learning to walk, if you chose to give up every time you fell down, you would not be walking today. Do not cripple yourself with a self-defeating attitude about failure, simply pick yourself up and try again until you succeed. And acknowledge every success (even the tiniest accomplishment), which will give you more power and confidence to try again, and to keep succeeding.

Many people develop low self-esteem and a lack of confidence from their childhood. We are programmed to try to please others. Children always look to their parents for approval, wanting their parents to applaud their every performance. Unfortunately, parents are not always so supportive. Some parents are in competition with their children, and subconsciously do not want their children to surpass them, so they cut them down. Some parents have been abused or criticized by their own parents, and don't know how to be any other way. Some parents have very high expectations of their children, wanting their children to have everything they didn't have, so they put relentless pressure on their children to succeed. And some parents are simply too tired and stressed to give their children any approval, or are too miserable and bitter in their own lives to give anything but negativity.

For children, receiving love and approval is essential, because children are dependent on their parents for survival itself. Children will take everything personally and literally, because they learn about themselves and develop their sense of their own persona through the mirror that life reflects back to them. Children believe whatever adults tell them - this is especially true if it comes from their parents. If a child is told that he/she is bad, that child will feel bad and will believe that they don't deserve good things. If this programming is repeated often enough, it completely erodes self-esteem and self-confidence to the point that the child believes that he/she will never be good enough, will never succeed, and will never deserve to be happy.

You are 21 years old, but it is never too late to give yourself a happy life - even if you are 90. You just can't measure your success and happiness based on the lives of others. Every person has his/her own path. You cannot compare your life to the lives of others, because each person is unique, with unique gifts and a unique purpose. What you need to do is determine what success means to you, and what will make you happy. Your friends may have found great jobs for them, but would you really be happy in those jobs? If so, then see your friends as role models to show you what you want for yourself and how to get it. If that's not what you really want, then figure out who you really are and how you really want to live your life.

No one else can live your life for you, and you cannot live your life for anyone else. The only way to truly please those who love you is to please yourself, because those who truly love you will be happy for your happiness - that is what unconditional love and acceptance is all about.

Self-sabotage and causes:

Our subconscious programming determines a lot about what we allow ourselves to experience and attract in our lives. If you believe that you are not good enough, then you will tend to be afraid that you are not worthy of success or happiness. If you have experienced repeated disappointment in life, you will have a tendency to be afraid that happiness doesn't last - such people often sabotage their happiness as a form of trying to maintain control. They believe that sooner or later they will suffer pain, so it may as well be sooner so they can get it over with. If you expect to be disappointed, then the only way that you can truly be disappointed is to not experience disappointment - in others words, you will ensure that you get the disappointment that you expect, because that is what you believe you deserve, or it is what you believe that life is about for you.

How low self esteem effects intimate relationships:

If you don't love yourself, you will not feel that you deserve to be loved or that you are lovable. If you don't feel good about yourself, you stop shining your light and don't allow yourself to be attractive. You will have a tendency to retreat and withdraw from the world, and to say no to all kinds of wonderful opportunities simply because you don't feel worthy or good enough for them - that is truly a shame. Don't hurt yourself in this way.

When you don't allow someone else to love you, you reject their love and thereby hurt them as well - you deny them the joy of loving you and of sharing a joyful life with you. Do not let your low self-esteem affect your intimate relationships - do not allow the illusion of shame to keep you from the truth of love. You can't be your strong self when you keep wounding yourself with your thoughts. I would suggest that you call your "great relationship that you ruined" and see if he is someone that you enjoy talking to and being with now - don't let your negative ego and pride get in the way of your lifelong happiness.

Makeover for developing self confidence

Spend some time focusing on all that is good about you. Each day, write down at least one good thing about yourself - make it something different each day. Also write down at least one positive accomplishment for that day - even if that is just getting out of bed when you really didn't feel like it. Start being more supportive and loving with yourself, and more appreciative, patient, kind and accepting of yourself. (Remember the Serenity Prayer: God grant me the serenity to accept the things I cannot change, the courage to change the things I can, and the wisdom to know the difference.)

We each have an inner child self, and the voice of an internal parent. If your internal parent continues to be critical, judging and abusive toward your inner child, it will cripple your ability to enjoy this lifetime. Let your internal parental voice be loving and kind, celebrating and recognizing the child within you for each and every accomplishment - this will give you the encouragement, strength and power to keep trying and succeeding.

Get clear on what you want for yourself and for your life - what would feel like happiness and success to you? Make a plan to take at least one step each day toward that success and happiness, and let go of comparing yourself and your life to others. The way to win the game of life is to keep moving forward on the path and maintain a winning attitude. This is how you overcome the bad effects of low self-esteem. 



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