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"POLITICS DIVIDES FRIENDS" Psychic Advice Column addresses inquiries related to: "Respect for other political views editorial",
"Prejudices and discrimination because of political views", and more ...

POLITICS DIVIDES FRIENDS

Question: "All of my friends are ecstatic over the Presidential election results. Except one... my best friend. We had quite a fight when she revealed her right wing opinions, many influenced by notoriously biased newscasts. She is furious with me and I was so taken aback that I knew so little about her values that I was over the top angry. I know my friend has been abused by her husband who is conservative, but I didn't know she shared his views. She has a right to them, but now I feel like she nodded and smiled while never agreeing with me at all. She doesn't want to talk and now I wonder if I ever really knew her. How can I find peace in this situation? I still love her."

"Psychic Advice": Most of the world is very excited about Barack Obama being the next President of the United States, however, there are certainly millions of people who voted differently and who feel differently. Personally, I believe that Barack Obama is a truly great man who deserves everyone's support and prayers so he can carry out his monumental tasks and responsibilities of uplifting humanity from now until 2012. I believe this man has the power and ability to bring people together and to heal many of the rifts that cause strife, division and suffering.

Stating my own political views is taking a risk of inviting disagreement, and possibly turning off some of my readers and subscribers who do not share these opinions. This holds true for anything I write or say, yet people respond most passionately about topics related to politics, sex, spirituality or religion. This is why social etiquette has always frowned on discussing politics, sex or religion in polite company. There is nothing polite about politics, because it often incites heated debate, even between friends.

It is unfortunate that politics divides friends, but you do not have to let this be the case for you. You can agree to disagree with your best friend. You do not have to feel disillusioned about her based on discovering that her values are different from yours. She may be feeling judged and attacked for her viewpoints, and may not be feeling safe in her friendship with you at the moment, so she has retreated. It would be best to send her some kind of peace offering, such as flowers, a card, or even a white flag signifying a cease-fire. Perhaps it would be a good idea to ask her to forgive you for becoming so "over the top" angry. You need to let her know that you do not judge her for her opinions - as you say, she has a right to her views. She may have nodded and smiled in the past because she was afraid to disagree with you fearing that you would react in anger and judgment, as you did.

One of the beautiful things about living in a democracy is that we each have the right to hold and speak our own opinions and beliefs, and it is important to have respect for other political views. You may not agree with everything your friend believes or says, but that doesn't make her a bad person, and it does not mean that your relationship is a sham. Just because one person is right does not make the other person wrong. Each person has a right to his or her own viewpoints. This is why we have different political parties and different candidates; in this last U.S. election, both Presidential candidates had extraordinary merit and value, and a great deal to offer the world.

Different people under the same roof can hold different political and even religious beliefs. This can be challenging at times, and conversations can turn into debates, but it doesn't have to tear the relationships apart. However, it can put extreme pressure and strain on family or spousal relationships, and a person can be made to feel like he/she is a traitor for maintaining opposing political views. It may be easier for your friend to agree with her husband, whom she has to live with, and risk disagreeing with you because she knows she can count on you to always love her as her friend.

We are all biased in our views and opinions, but these views and opinions are often heavily influenced by the people around us, and by the media. The news media is owned and controlled by very few power brokers around the world who use the media to influence the minds and opinions of the masses. Indeed, the media promoted biased news reports about the U.S. election and the candidates involved, but this is only an indication of how biased all news reports are on any topic.

We want to believe that the news is gospel, that it is the reporting of impartial facts, but this is simply not true. Any story is told from the perspective of a certain viewpoint, and no matter how unbiased it tries to be or purports to be, it will always be colored by that viewpoint and perspective. Each of our beliefs and opinions is derived from our own experience in life, which are the points of view that influence our views on life, on people, on the world, and on politics.

In the case of this last U.S. election, there may have been other factors that contributed to some people's choices. Some people may have been influenced in their opinions by prejudices against race or gender. It is unfortunate that this is still going on for some people, and that certain parts of North America still tend to be collectively prejudice.

It is important to remember that this election was groundbreaking in so many ways - although the 15th Amendment to the Constitution of the United States officially gave black men the right to vote in 1870, Barack Obama is the first black man to become President of the United States. This is serving as an awakening for the world. The "Great White Hope" of the world is resting on the shoulders of a man who is half white from an American mother, and half black from an African father, and who has a Muslim sounding name - and his wife is a very powerful and charismatic speaker in her own right. This man has the opportunity to bring so many people together in the world, because our fights and battles are against "otherness".

Do not see your friend as an "other" for you to reject because her beliefs and opinions are different from your own. Just because some of her beliefs and opinions have come to light does not mean that you now have to see her in a different light. One can have healthy discussions or even debates about differing opinions and viewpoints without it having to turn into a war. Discussion and debate of differing viewpoints is healthy to be able to see all sides of an issue, and to consider things you may not have considered before. You don't have to accept those viewpoints as your own beliefs, but you do need to accept those viewpoints as another person's beliefs, even if you don't agree with them.

However, there is a difference between values that are based on one's own beliefs and opinions, even if they are fueled by religious beliefs, versus values that are based on prejudice and discrimination. It is one thing to choose to vote for a candidate or not based on that candidate's political policies, but it is another thing to not even consider voting for a candidate because of his/her race, religion or gender. Friendships can survive differences of opinion, beliefs and values, but outright prejudice and discrimination are often born of ignorance and can create chasms that are too great to cross, unless there is a willingness to build bridges across the great divide of apparent "otherness".

Prejudices and discrimination because of political views are why politics divides friends. Friends, especially best friends, want to feel like they can discuss anything, but perhaps there are some topics that are better avoided in order to maintain peace in the relationship. You don't have to share all the same values, beliefs or opinions in order to remain friends, unless you find that avoiding certain topics puts a strain on the conversation, or on the friendship itself.  In any case, whether you speak with her again or not, choose to love her unconditionally, and find a way to let her know that.

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