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"IDENTIFY PROBLEMS IN FAMILY LIFE" and "ADVANTAGES OF COMMUNICATION WITH FAMILY MEMBERS" Psychic Advice Column addresses inquiries related to: "importance of family communication", "dysfunctional family communication", "family communication tools", "family relationships behavior", "dysfunctional family problems", "effective family communication", "family communication, "family problems", "family relationships", "communication in the family", and more

IDENTIFY PROBLEMS IN FAMILY LIFE and
ADVANTAGES OF COMMUNICATION WITH FAMILY MEMBERS

Question: "My question is on family relationships. Currently, I have been having a difficult time connecting with family members, words are being mis-spoken and misinterpreted. My first inclination is to not be involved with them at all. How can I use spirit to better the relationship I have now?"

"Psychic Advice":
In order to better your relationships with family, you must identify problems in family life and determine how best to deal with them and resolve them. Cutting ties with family members is not as easy as it sounds, and it does not resolve or heal the pain. There are many advantages of communication with family members, so it is worth finding a way to work things out.

Family judgments and mis-judgments can only really hurt you if you are seeking their approval. Giving someone the power to approve of you also gives them the power to disapprove of you - in either case, you are giving them the power to judge you. If you are doing certain things to get love, appreciation and approval from your family members, you are giving your power away and setting yourself up to let them control and manipulate you with their judgment and criticism.

Family members will rarely be willing to recognize the person that you truly are in the present. Although your family has known you for your entire life, they may not really know the real you. This is because we come into a family to play a certain role. Every person in the family plays a role for every other member of the family - these roles can be different with each person, and you can also play a role (or many roles) for the entire family.

Many families have a "star" - the one who excels and gets all the attention (often the first-born child, the first born male, or the "only girl", depending on cultural or family values). Many families also have a "blacksheep" - the one who doesn't fit in, and who may embarrass certain family members because of being different (also based on cultural, religious or family values). Many families have a "scapegoat" - the one who gets blamed for everything. Many families have a "martyr" - the one who takes on all the responsibility with little thanks or appreciation (mothers often play this role). There is always a "leader" in every family, but it is not always a parent.

In every family, there are favorites - this is not necessarily because they are better or more lovable than the others, but their souls are more connected to each other and resonate at the same frequency. Families can have "the good one", "the bad one", "the complainer", "the know-it-all", "the bully", "the sensitive one", "the cry-baby", "the responsible one", "the lazy one", "the never-do-well", "the failure", "the rebel", etc., etc. The problem is that once these roles and labels are attached to you, the family may always hold you to that and see you in that role, no matter how old you are or how much you have changed. You can be 40 years old and still have the family refer to you as the baby of the family, or the whiner, etc.

When we are with our family members, it is very easy to fall back into these roles - that is why so many people feel like they are twelve years old again when they are with their family. We even tend to act differently around family, and become a different person from who we truly are because we revert back to playing our role for the family. You may not perceive that you change around your family, but your spouse or partner can probably instantly recognize the difference.

Many families tend to use family gossip in order to keep everyone playing these roles. The things that you say and do can be re-interpreted to fit the needs of the family through this dysfunctional family communication. No matter what you do, the family needs to keep seeing you in a certain light in order to keep the family dynamics alive.

When you change, it changes everything, because everyone around you must change in response. Many people fear change, especially when it comes to family roles and dynamics. This is why family members may tend to sabotage you changing, so they don't have to change. They can consciously or unconsciously undermine your resolve so you revert back to your "old self". This is why some people experience family members putting them down or criticizing them for making positive changes.

Many families can be dream crushers. They act like they want the best for you and they want you to be happy, but they are unconsciously competitive and jealous. They don't want you to be better, happier or more successful than they are - some may even secretly want you to suffer like they have suffered, because misery loves company. If this is the case, do not share your deepest hopes and dreams with your family members, and do not share your successes until they are complete. With a sabotaging family, it can sometimes be best to talk about light things, not things that are deeply meaningful to you.

At times when you are having difficult relationships with family members, it is important to remember that they may be running some kind of unconscious or hidden agenda that is usually caused by their own pain and/or fear. Try not to take it personally, because it really is their problem - it only becomes your problem if you allow it to affect you.

We always want love from our family, so it is painful when they act in unloving ways. Rather than taking it personally, we can recognize that most people are focused on their own needs, their own perspectives, their own agendas, and they don't necessarily consider other people's feelings. They are probably not intentionally trying to hurt you directly, but somehow, unconsciously wounding you serves the family roles and dynamics.

Unconditional love is the spiritual high road. By offering your family members unconditional love and acceptance, you create the possibility of them giving that back to you because you are showing them what it is. Unconditional love and acceptance means that you will love them for who they are, no matter what they do or how they act. You may not love their behavior, but you won't withdraw or withhold your love because of it.

Love is your greatest protection. If you love and accept yourself, you will not be vulnerable to needing their love and approval, so you will not be vulnerable to their judgment and criticism. Remember that family members know what buttons to push, they know our weaknesses and vulnerabilities, they know our wounds and our pain (often because they caused them). We must protect ourselves with family by surrounding ourselves in a bubble of light - the light of love. Fill yourself with love and light, and radiate this love and light to everyone, especially to your family.

One way to heal issues with family is to connect with family members on a spiritual level. Before you go to sleep at night, call upon angels and ask them to bring peace, love and healing to your family members. Ask the angels to help you resolve certain issues with your family, and to give you the strength, courage and guidance to do so. Also, in the middle of the night when they are sleeping, you can connect with a family member's higher self - imagine speaking to their higher self, and ask their higher self for what you want in the relationship.

The advantages of communication with family members are that as long as you don't withdraw from them, they will always be there for you throughout your life - however, they may not always be there in the way that you wish them to be. Our family relationships offer us some of our greatest challenges, but as we identify problems in family life and overcome them, these challenges give us some of our greatest opportunities for spiritual growth and the evolution of our heart and soul.



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