Free Weekly Syndicated Advice Columns
Published Every Wednesday Afternoon (PST)

NEW YEARS SOLUTIONS AND RESOLUTIONS

What is the best way to set goals for myself for the New Year?

The best way to set goals for yourself is to look at your life and evaluate what is working for you and what is not working for you. What areas of your life give you joy, and what are the areas that you are not entirely happy with?

Start with the areas of your life that give you joy and think about ways that you could support yourself in those areas to make them even stronger so they give you more joy. Think of what kinds of things you would like to accomplish and experience in these areas over the next month, six months, and a year. Then ask yourself what steps and actions you would need to take right now to achieve those goals, and write these steps down. Commit to taking those actions, which should be fun and rewarding; they should also be relatively easy because these are areas that are already working for you in your life.

Now look at the areas of your life that you are not happy with, but do so objectively without judgment, criticism or condemnation. Look at your life as a detached observer who is unconditionally loving and accepting of you. Ask yourself how you could improve these areas. What would you like to accomplish in these areas of your life in the next month? What about the next six month? How would you like these areas to look one year from now? How would you feel if your life looked that way next year? Feel that feeling right now, and ask yourself what steps and actions do you need to take in each of these areas in order to create your life the way you want it to be. Visualize yourself taking those steps and enjoying the process, enjoying the feeling of each step on the journey toward your goal, then allow yourself to feel the joy of living the life you choose for yourself one year from now. Let this joy guide you and motivate you to carry out those steps.

Write down the steps you need to take to get you from here to where you want to be in any area of your life that you want to feel better about, then commit to taking those actions. Try to make those steps as fun as possible, and choose to enjoy them as much as possible, because attitude is everything. The more you enjoy the process, the easier it will be to achieve your goal. Do not crack the whip, but find ways to positively reward and motivate yourself. Make sure that the rewards support the program and don't sabotage you: If your goal is to lose weight, reward yourself with a new outfit instead of food (you wouldn't reward yourself with a cigarette after one week of quitting smoking!) Reward and encourage yourself often with your thoughts. Take it one step at a time, accomplishing the steps toward your goals one day at a time, and soon you will arrive at your chosen destination.

My life is changing right now and I don't like it. How can I overcome my fear of change?

Change is inevitable. You cannot stop change from happening, you can only manage change by choosing how you respond to it, and what you choose to do next as a result. Your response determines your outcome and experience. If you fear change, it is because you fear the unknown, and you feel that it is not within your power to choose how you live your life. But it is within your power to choose, because you make choices every moment of every day that determine how you live and experience your life, and how you feel about it. You always have choice in every moment, and those choices determine what you experience next and how you experience it. You are never stuck, you are never trapped, you are never truly a victim unless you choose to see your life and your experiences from that perspective.

If you feel that your life is changing because of circumstances outside of yourself that you did not choose, you always have the choice of how you respond to those situations. You can choose to respond in anger, in despair, in outrage, in vengeance, in grief, in sorrow, etc but those responses will only make you feel miserable. You create the outcome of your experience by the responses and reactions you choose; no one else can choose for you. You can choose to see change as an opportunity for growth and evolution: welcome it, get excited by it, see it as a challenge, and then you will feel empowered and motivated to make the necessary changes. Be creative and think outside the box; look at all the possibilities of what you could create for yourself.

Take this time to decide what kind of life you want to live, what you want your life to be about, and what is most meaningful to you. Take this time as an opportunity to become the person you really want to be. Fear is a choice; being unhappy is a choice; not liking change is also a choice - these choices will make life unnecessarily painful for you. You can choose to change your life wholeheartedly by changing whatever is within your power to change, starting with your thoughts and your attitude. Then choose the change that you would like to experience, and choose to take the steps toward creating that experience for your life. Your life is up to you, and only you can choose for yourself, so choose well and be happy with your choices - and if you find that you are not happy, you can always choose again!

I feel like time is flying by and I hardly got anything accomplished this past year, and the year ahead feels very overwhelming in terms of how many things I want to accomplish. How can I manage my life better?

Time only flies by when you are busy, and goes very slowly when you are doing nothing, so obviously you have been doing a lot. The question is: what have you been accomplishing? The only way to really know this is to take inventory of what you have created, achieved and accomplished in the last year. Often, when we have many things we want to do, we can forget to acknowledge what we've actually achieved because we just move right on to the next task. This is one reason why it is helpful to write our goals down, so we can clearly see when we've achieved them. The key is to take a moment to celebrate that accomplishment, put a check mark next to that goal, pat yourself on the back and reward yourself in some way before moving on to the next task.

Often we forget to recognize ourselves for what we actually accomplish, which leaves us feeling like we never really accomplish anything. This then leaves us feeling overwhelmed at the idea of all that we have yet to accomplish. This becomes a vicious cycle that will leave one feeling that nothing ever gets done. and that there is always so much to do that it becomes disheartening and discouraging, and eventually you might want to give up altogether. This pattern is easily avoided by giving yourself credit and acknoledgement for what you have achieved and accomplished - this cannot come from outside recognition or reward, it must come from within you or you will never really let yourself receive it from others.

So, take a few moments to look back on this year and write down what you really accomplished. Some of these things many not have been so important or life-altering, but they were accomplishments nonetheless. Be generous with yourself in your assessment, and write everything down that you can think of. I'm sure you will find that you accomplished more than you thought you did. If you did not really accomplish things that were important to you, it is because you did not make those things a true priority. This is why it is helpful to write down your goals, and this is what I suggest you do for next year.

Write down all the things you want to accomplish, leaving space on the page between each one to write down the steps and timing involved that will get you there. Then, as you achieve each goal, put a check mark beside it and take a moment to celebrate your accomplishment, and even reward yourself in some way. This process will create a plan for this next year that will make it more manageable and achievable for you, while ensuring that you accomplish those things that are truly important priorities for you. Following this plan and recognizing your accomplishments will have you feeling a great sense of achievment by this time next year.

I am in the middle of changing from one career to the next, and I'm in the middle of a move, a divorce, and completely changing my life. I am not where I want to be yet and it's all happening too slowly. How can I be more patient?

This is a time of a great deal of change for a lot of people. Many people all over the world are making sweeping changes in their lives so they can create a life of more joy and fulfillment for themselves. Change occurs one choice at a time, one step at a time. The more slowly you take it, the easier and more thorough it will be. You are on a bridge between the old you and the new you, between your old life and your new life. I can understand your eagerness to reach your new destination, but you can only cross the bridge by putting one foot in front of the other. You could choose to leap to the other side, but leaps always involve some risk. It is better to allow yourself to straddle both worlds for a time, making peace with the past, and embracing the future, while accepting the present just as it is. Patience and peace come with acceptance; resistance causes pain. Just accept where you are now, making the best of all the situations that you are in. Forgive everyone involved, including you. Make peace with yourself, love and accept yourself just as you are, right where you are now, then give yourself the loving encouragement you need to keep moving forward.

I don't like the way my life has been going and I want to change everything. Where do I begin?

Be careful what you ask for, because changing everything can be very unsettling! There must be some areas of your life that you enjoy, so look for these and embrace them with gratitude. The more you are grateful, the more you will have to feel grateful for. You must choose change not because you want to move away from something (which is choosing based on what you don't want, or choosing by default), but make changes because you want to move toward something, but you must know what it is you want. Ask yourself what kind of life you want to create and experience for yourself. What are the key elements? What steps can you take that will get you from here to there? Write these steps down and break them down into an action plan that you can accomplish step by step. Intention is 9/10 of creation, so you must have a strong intention and motivation to create those changes for yourself. Action is the key 10% that actually creates that reality for you and brings it into manifestation, so choose to take any and all action that will bring about the fruition of your goals, dreams and desires. Encourage yourself with your thoughts - remember that if you believe it, you can achieve it!

I have a life that other people would envy, but I'm still not satisfied. I have everything but fulfillment. How can I be a better, happier person?

Start by counting your blessings as you begin each day. Obviously you are very blessed in your life, and gratitude is key to raising your spirits and making you feel better and happier about your life, and it would seem that you have a lot to feel grateful for. However, there seems to be something missing for you in your life that is leading to this feeling of being unfulfilled. Many times people's lives are out of balance. They have a lot in one area, such as material things, but are lacking in other areas. In order to be truly satisfied and fulfilled, we must address our needs in all areas of life: physical/material, emotional, mental and spiritual.

When people set goals, they often focus only on the physical or the material, and then when they reach those goals they find them to be empty and unsatisfying because their goals did not address the other aspects of themselves. This is why it is helpful to set goals for yourself that would enhance your life mentally, emotionally, and spiritually, as well as physically and materially. People often make the mistake of thinking that achieving their material goals will fulfill them emotionally, but this is rarely the case. You must also set goals that are emotionally fulfilling, such as spending more quality time with those you love, phoning or visiting your parents or your friends more often, or even getting a pet so you can experience unconditional love. Volunteering to help people in need can give you emotional satisfaction as well as spiritual fulfillment (simply giving money may be satisfying enough, or you may find it more fulfilling to actually give of your time and see the profound effect your love and care have on other people's lives). You may want to set mental goals such as reading a new book a week, or taking a class to learn something new. Spiritual goals can include going on a retreat, joining a spiritual group of some kind, taking a workshop, or even being kind and nurturing to yourself by getting a massage once a week. Of course, physical goals can include exercise and nutrition, or material goals that have to do with creating more success, or manifesting a certain desire.

Don't overwhelm yourself by taking on so much that it would be impossible to accomplish, but set one new goal for yourself in each area: physical, mental, emotional, and spiritual. The key is to set goals for yourself that support you to enjoy your life more by making you feel like a better person. The activities must be enjoyable to you - things you really want to do, not things you feel you should do. Giving to others is a great way to feel better about yourself, and sometimes you can accomplish many goals by doing the same activity. For instance, volunteering to read to the elderly can help you accomplish your mental goal of reading more, your emotional goal of connecting to people, and your spiritual goal of making a difference in people's lives - you could even ride your bike to get there which could accomplish your physical goal of getting more exercise! In order to feel better about your life, you must feel better about yourself, and so you must make choices and set goals that make you a better person all around. In this way, you will be fulfilled and enjoy every aspect of your life.

This has been a horrible year for me. What can I do to make sure the next year is a better one?

We all have ups and downs in life. The journey of lifetime is about the growth and evolution of the soul. We grow and learn most when we experience pain, because there is not much incentive to grow and change when we are comfortable. The more you judge and resist what you are experiencing, the more painful you will make it for yourself. Try to accept what is; you may not understand the purpose that is serves in your life right now, but every experience contributes to our evolution and provides an opportunity to learn and grow. There are no guarantees in life; life is full of risks and pain is an inevitable part of being human, but suffering is optional. You determine your experience by how you respond to it. If you resist it and fight against it, you will create unnecessary suffering for yourself. Do not let fear, or pain, or the fear of pain stop you. Acknowledge yourself for the strength and courage it took to get through this year, and know that you now have more strength and courage to face the years ahead. Have compassion for yourself for all you've been through, and be kind, gentle and loving with yourself as you say good-bye to this painful year. Then take your power of choice and determine what you want to experience next. Remember that in many instances, your attitude determines your experience, and you can always change your mind. So let go of this year, and embrace the infinite opportunities and choices that lie ahead of you. Life is what you make it.

I wish you all infinite joy, fulfillment and prosperity throughout 2005.

Happy Newy Year!

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