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THE JOYS OF GIVING AND RECEIVING

I always wait until the last minute to do my Christmas shopping. Now I'm all stressed over it. How can I get the right gifts for people?

The key thing about a gift is that it should show that you were thinking about that person and it should reflect this thoughtfulness. The easiest way to get the right gifts for the people you care about is to buy them throughout the year. Whenever you see something that makes you think of a particular person, or even something that you think would be nice for a lot of people such as your co-workers, you should buy it at that time. You can collect gifts in a drawer or closet until it's time to give them. Since this is not really an option as it is rather last minute, you have a few choices:

a) The way to use your intuition when buying gifts for others is through empathy and compassion. Close your eyes and imagine that you are that person, see through their eyes and get a sense of what they like or need, then as you shop trust what you are attracted to. (In the future, when you have a bit more time, you can also use a pendulum to help you in your selection process.)

b) You can buy everyone gift cards or gift certificates - the advantage of this is that they can get whatever they really want and need for themselves. The drawbacks of gift cards are that the dollar amount is known, and it can get expensive. It also does not show much thoughtfulness, and they are stuck buying something from a particular store (unless it is a gift card from a company like American Express). If you go this route, you are best to choose a department store where everyone can find something he or she really likes.

c) You can give a card that says that you've made a donation to a particular charity or worthy cause in their name, which makes a great contribution to the world, although some people do not necessarily appreciate it instead of a gift.

d) You can make certificates offering your time to those people you love and care about. You can offer to cook meals, give massages, help around the house, run errands, babysit, build or make something, help organize or clean up, help with a garage sale, haul away unwanted items, etc. You would have to put thought into what each person needs that would really be helpful or desirable to them (it would not work to simply write "IOU 2 hours"). Your time and help can be the greatest gift you can offer someone.

e) You can get tickets to a show, or a gift certificate to Ticketmaster, but this can get expensive.

f) You can describe the person/people you need gifts for to a sales clerk at a store and get their help and opinion, but it can be difficult to help at this late date as the stores can be very busy, unless you go early in the morning, or at dinnertime when less people are shopping. Some department stores even offer services such as "personal shopping" to help you; you may need to spend quite a bit of money in the store to engage this service, but it can be worth enquiring about.

g) You can always select generic gifts, such as books (books can also be great personalized gifts if you know the person's interests), gloves, scarves, etc. It might be a good idea to ask for a gift receipt that you put in the box with the gift in case the person wants to exchange it, but keep in mind that if they do, they'll know what you paid for it.

h) You could give a magazine subscription that reflects the special interests of each person, such as "O"(Oprah), "Sports Illustrated", "Entrepreneur", "Conde Nast Traveler", "Vogue", "Food and Wine", "Popular Mechanics", etc. You can go to a magazine store, pick up the current issue of a magazine that suits the lifestyle of the person you are giving to, then subscribe immediately (because it can take a couple of months for a subscription to kick in). This is the gift that keeps on giving throughout the year, and they'll think of you whenever they receive it, which is great if it is a subject they really love. (This is a gift you can repeat/newew every year, as long as they like it.)

i) You can go to a place that has unique items that are handmade or imported. Think of the people you care about as you walk around and think of what interests they have and what colors they like, what their home is like, etc.

Remember that giving gifts is about showing that you care about a person, so don't put your energy into getting stressed or upset; go into your heart and feel the love and care that you have for that person, then give from your heart. Love is the greatest gift we can give another, and a gift that is given with love is a true gift for everyone.

My brother always gives us stuff that he likes and tells us that if we don't like it, we can give it back to him. Should I tell him I never like his gifts?

Family is what Christmas is all about, and you should love yourself and your brother enough to be honest with him in a kind and loving way (obviously, your brother has no problem being honest in telling you that he is buying gifts for himself!). Don't tell him right at Christmas, but find a later time (perhaps closer to New Year's so he can make a new resolution) to mention to him that giving to others is about showing your love and appreciation for them, and the gift should reflect that. If you feel like it, you can even offer to help him shop next year (and maybe drop some hints about the kinds of things you like, or even pick your gift out for yourself). He may just need a little help to understand the nature of giving from the heart, and you taking the time to lovingly give him this lesson is a great gift you'll be giving him for the rest of his life, especially if he has a wife and a family of his own.

My Mom always gives me cheesy gifts, sometimes I think she just wraps things up from her own house and gives them to me. It really hurts sometimes, but she's getting older and doesn't go out shopping very often. Should I tell her how I feel?

Remember, it's not the gift that counts, it's the thought behind it. Sometimes it's best just to accept the gift and trust that the thought was there. Perhaps your mother is giving you things that mean a lot to her for you to have as keepsakes. One day, these might mean a lot to you. Your mother's gifts are not a reflection on how much she values you, so much as they are an indication of how she values herself. If your Mom is not able to shop herself, whether it be for physical reasons or financial ones, perhaps you might offer to help her next year, or even to do her shopping for her. You could also ask her to tell you the story behind the gifts she gives you so you can understand her thinking, and you can choose to treasure whatever she gives you. Just love her and receive her love, and do not allow the gift itself to be a measure of your worth and value, or of her love for you.

How can I act happy or surprised when my husband gives me "the usual"?

If you know that your husband really tried to give you something that would make you happy, and you can see the joy on his face when he gives it to you, then find the joy and the pleasure in that. Receive his love and his joy, and let that be your true gift. If "the usual" means that he gets you the same thing all the time and you don't really like it or enjoy it, then you need to talk to him at some time after Christmas, maybe some time before your next birthday. It may be best not to mention that you don't like what he has given you, but tell him clearly what kinds of things you would like to receive that would make you really happy. People always want to give those they love things that they would really enjoy, but sometimes they don't know what that is. Love him enough to receive his love, and love yourself enough to ask for what you really want and need.

My father is impossible to shop for. What do I get for the man who has everything?

You could give him chocolate, food or wine; things that are consumable make great gifts for people who don't like to have too much "stuff" around. Usually, people who have everything will get themselves whatever they want or need, so it makes it challenging to find gifts for them. You can go to a specialty store, such as a sporting goods store, and ask a sales clerk for recommendations for gadgets that suit his interests. You can buy unique gifts, such as the newspaper from the day he was born, or even register a star in his name. Catalogs and stores such as the Sharper Image, Brookstone, Hammacher Schlemmer, etc., cater to the "people who have everything", or you can get unique pieces of art, or crafts. It might be most meaningful to him if you make something for him, or bake something for him, to show that you put your love and your time into giving him a unique gift from your heart.

I never like the gifts I receive from anyone. In fact, I find the whole thing really difficult. I'm tempted to call off the whole gift-giving thing. What should I do?

First, it sounds like you have trouble receiving. Giving gifts is about giving love, and maybe you need to receive the love that comes with the gifts. Those who love you can probably feel your displeasure, and probably agonize over what to get you, or else they've given up on trying to please you altogether. Christmas is really about giving and receiving love, sharing time together and being grateful for all the blessings in our lives. Maybe it would be helpful for you to practice more gratitude, which would help you to feel more joy in your life. You can always tell your family that you believe that Christmas gifts should only be for the children, and that it would give you more pleasure if those who love you took the money they would spend on you to buy something nice for themselves. This would probably be more joyful for everyone involved.

May this be a time of peace, joy, love and prosperity for one and all.

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