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POSITIVE REGARDING DIVORCE?

Question #1: "I have been thinking about divorcing my husband of 33 years. I have this deep need inside to be on my own. Financially it might be a problem but, for some reason, I'm not worried. Should I follow my heart?"

Psychic Advice:
Marriage is a serious commitment that should not be entered into lightly, and so is divorce. Marriage is supposed to be a lifelong commitment, but it is not meant to be a life sentence. In our Western society, we are blessed with freedom of choice, and we have the freedom to choose freedom.

Over time, people grow and change, and if a couple is not growing together, then they will often grow apart. If two people continue to grow in separate directions, or if one person seeks growth while the other resists change, then it can feel like two strangers living under the same roof who share very little in common anymore. In such cases, the couple can feel more like roommates than spouses, and have already experienced emotional separation and divorce from one another, although they are logistically still living together for various reasons.

Sometimes, a relationship just naturally comes to an end. We have karmic bonds and sacred contracts with other souls, and when these bonds are complete, then the relationship may no longer serve any purpose. In such cases, it is possible to have an amicable and peaceful separation, which may or may not lead to a final divorce.

Divorce is rarely easy for anyone, and is often very painful on many levels. It essentially marks the death of a relationship, which usually involves grief for all concerned. However, in cases where the relationship is already dead, or where the relationship is tremendously painful or abusive, then going through the pain of divorce may be preferable to remaining in a situation in which you are suffering.

Divorce can be very costly, not just financially, but also physically, emotionally, mentally and spiritually. It is an exhausting process, which not only involves trying to agree on how to divide shared assets, but it is also a walk down memory lane, which brings up the good times, the bad times, and everything in between. It can leave one or both parties feeling devastated, abandoned, unloved, helpless, worthless and alone.

Divorce can also bring out the very worst in people as they often become vindictive, territorial, blameful, combative and downright nasty, especially when lawyers are involved. This can be even worse if there is a "significant other" waiting in the wings. The best approach for divorce is to seek out mediation, which is not only less expensive than dealing with lawyers for both parties, but it is also usually more peaceful, fair and compassionate, especially where children and custody issues are concerned.

In your case, you have invested over a third of your life in your marriage. The yearning that you are feeling is the desire to love and honor yourself by creating time and space for yourself. There are different ways to accomplish this that may or may not involve divorce, and there are different degrees of freedom for you to consider.

One option is for you to simply have a place of your own that you can retreat to. This could be a cabin or an apartment somewhere that you either own or rent, depending on your circumstances. Rather than directly asking for a divorce, it may be best for you to experience a trial separation to see how you really feel being on your own, and whether that is the direction that you truly want to pursue. Instead of calling it a separation, you can simply say that you need some time and space away, or on your own for a while. You can arrange for this to be nearby, or you may prefer to travel or go someplace far away to get a sense of what you really want for yourself.

Depending on your circumstances, you may choose to remain separated indefinitely without the need to pursue a divorce. From a practical standpoint, by not getting divorced you may remain entitled to certain spousal benefits such as pensions, etc. However, you would also remain responsible for shared debts with your spouse, and you may feel an obligation to take care of your spouse in the event of deteriorating health, etc.

If you feel that the relationship is truly over for you, then you may desire to be completely free to be on your own, or to be with someone else. In this case, proceeding to divorce may be best for you. Try to plan for your independence as much as possible, because as long as you remain dependent on your ex-spouse, neither of you will truly be free.

Follow your heart to trust what is best for you, and remain compassionate toward the person you once loved who may still love you. Take one step at a time, slowly and gently, to make sure that you are making the best choices every step of the way.

Question #2 "I am unhappy in my marriage. Am I going to remain married or move on?"

Psychic Advice:
You have infinite choices every moment of every day. One of these choices is whether to remain married or not, but this often depends on a myriad of other choices. First, you must determine what is truly making you unhappy.

Draw a line down the middle of a page and on one side, make a list of the things in your marriage that you are happy with and enjoy, and on the other side, make a list of the things that you are unhappy with. Take another piece of paper and do the same thing examining your own life, taking inventory of the things about yourself and your life that you are happy with, and the things that you are not happy with.

Look at both of these pages and determine what is in your power to change. Remember that you cannot change another person, you can only change yourself, so look to see how you could change some of the things in yourself, in your life and in your relationship that are making you unhappy, and how you can spend more time and energy focusing on the things that do make you happy.

Once you start to change yourself and do more of the things that make you happy, you can try inviting your spouse to join you in those activities. Sometimes, marriages can become stale and stagnant, and couples can get into a boring rut of doing the same things all the time. If you start to try new things and focus on the things that make you happy, you will be able to clearly see whether your spouse can be a part of that, or whether you are better off apart from each another.

Question #3 "Me and my husband had a terrible fight and we decided to file for divorce. He went to stay with his grandmother who does not want us to be together. Where do you see our relationship going from here?"

Psychic Advice: Words are very powerful - they can be used as loving tools, or as destructive weapons. What is said can never be unsaid, and what is heard can never be unheard. Therefore, it is vitally important to choose your words carefully, particularly during an argument.

Arguments can easily escalate to name-calling and casting blame. Couples often know the weaknesses in each other, and can take the opportunity to attack tender and vulnerable places within each other during a fight. This is not wise - no matter how angry or upset you are, you never really want to hurt the one you love, because that damage cannot be undone.

In the heat of an argument, it can be easy to throw around the word "divorce", or to threaten to leave or throw the other person out, but once you open that door, separation becomes an option. Don't say it unless you mean it, and don't be mean in what you say! Once you take steps toward divorce, it is very difficult to turn back.

It is never good for other people to get involved in your marriage, because only you and your husband have the ultimate choice in your relationship, and those choices can change at any time. Those who love you should support you in any decision you make, without trying to influence or meddle in your personal and private decisions. Someone always pays the price for meddlesome behavior.

Discuss with your husband what you both really want for your lives. What do you want your life to be like? What do you want your relationship to feel like? What do you need to change in order for both of you to be happy?

If we are unhappy in life, we have to make changes. If we are unhappy in our relationship, then we have to change how we behave and treat each other. We either need to take the steps to change the dynamics of the relationship, or end it.


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