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"BREAKS IN A RELATIONSHIP"

Question #1: "I'm engaged and left him for 6 months to work far away. I am torn as to whether I should stay and save more money which is what I want, or go back home and be with my fiancé, who hates me being so far away."

Psychic Advice:
The effects of taking a break in your relationship may be costly. Your dilemma is a question of love or money, and which is more important to you. Of course, it is practical to want to make more money and save it, which is prudent to prepare for starting a new life together. However, you are taking a risk and a gamble by doing that long distance. You are essentially sending a message to your fiancé that your work and money are more important to you than he is.

During the period of engagement, it is very important to cement strong bonds that will form the foundation of a happy marriage. Absence does not necessarily make the heart grow fonder. Long distance relationships test the bond between two people, and if that bond was not established strongly enough to begin with, time and distance can weaken and even damage the relationship, perhaps irreparably.

Sometimes, there are circumstances beyond one's control that necessitate separation. In such cases, it is essential to maintain contact regularly, and to establish a strong and intimate a connection across the miles. Email can be cold and impersonal, which can lead to misunderstandings and a greater feeling of distance. It is much better to communicate by phone or through online conversations, which create a stronger feeling of closeness. It is also important to arrange to meet as often as possible during times of separation. If this is not possible, then send each other letters, gifts, and tokens that show that you are thinking of the one you love.

If you are choosing to make money a greater priority than your fiancé, you must ask yourself which is truly more important to you. Be honest with yourself - perhaps you are using these circumstances to test your relationship, and to determine how strongly he feels for you, or even how strongly you feel about him. Ask yourself if you really want to make and save more money, or simply to be far away. You may be seeking independence and wanting to get away from feeling controlled or hemmed in. If this is the case, perhaps you really don't want to marry him after all.

If your feelings for your fiancé are still strong and genuine, then you may want to make your relationship a higher priority. Start looking for work back home and applying for jobs there. Tell your fiancé that you want to be with him, and you are taking steps toward moving back home as soon as it is logistically possible with regard to your work. At least he will know that you have heard his request, and that you sincerely want to be with him as much as he wants to be with you.

Question #2: "My girlfriend of 6 years and I have split up - she says she is not sure if she wants to get back together or not. Should I force the issue and tell her that if she doesn't want me back, then it is over and I am moving on?"

Psychic Advice:
If she doesn't want you back, then it IS over and you will have to move on, but this is not about forcing the issue. I would suggest that you ask your girlfriend what she really wants and needs, and what was missing for her in the relationship. Ask her what kinds of things you could do to make the relationship better for her, which might include giving her some space right now. This is not the time to be giving her an ultimatum - instead try to give her the love and caring that she needs, in the ways that she wants and needs it.

Question #3: "I feel so used. My companion of 6 years leaves me every year for 2 months then comes back and everything is so great, then he leaves me again. This time I ended it. I just never felt like he loved me as much as I loved him. I told him it was time we went our separate ways. Now I can't get past the hurt."

Psychic Advice:
Taking breaks in a relationship can be an emotional roller coaster ride. It is normal for people to need their own space from time to time, and it can be healthy in a relationship for each person to spend some time alone and apart occasionally. Sometimes work may necessitate periodic separation, however, in this case, it seems your companion is calling all the shots and taking care of his own needs without any consideration for your feelings.

Your partner is repeatedly abandoning you. He wouldn't treat a dog this way - he couldn't abandon a dog for two months because it would starve, which is essentially what is happening to you. Repeated abandonment is a form of abuse that has left you feeling empty and vulnerable, and questioning your worth and lovability.

By ending the relationship, you are standing up for yourself and declaring that you deserve better. It always takes time to get over the pain of ending a relationship, but it is important for you to remember that his treatment of you is not a measure of how lovable you are or how you deserve to be treated. He treated you that way because he was manipulating you and the relationship to serve his selfish desires.

The effects of taking repeated breaks from your relationship have been devastating for you. You need time to heal and to increase your sense of self-love and self-worth so you never allow yourself to be treated this way again. Ending the relationship and saying no to this kind of abuse is a great step in the right direction. Just make sure you don't allow yourself to be used again.

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