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SIGNS OF UNHEALTHY
PERSONAL BOUNDARIES

Question: "I have a friend who is fairly sensitive, and as I am quite open, he has said that he feels 'not with it' when I'm around. I know I'm not intending to drain his energy and I became very upset. What can I do to stop this from happening again?"

Psychic Advice:
Many people can be draining to others without intending to be. The fact that your friend is feeling drained and "not with it" when you are around him are signs of unhealthy personal boundaries.

Most sensitive people are highly empathic, which means that he is picking up on your energy and feeling the emotions that you are feeling (whether you both are aware of it or not). It is absolutely imperative that empathic people work on establishing personal boundaries so they can protect themselves from being affected by other people's energies.

One of the ways that your friend is setting personal boundaries is by speaking up and telling you what he is experiencing in your presence. It often takes courage to speak one's truth, but it is one of the most important steps in improving personal boundaries. Rather than you taking this personally and getting upset, it is best to see this as an opportunity to become more conscious of your own energy, and how it is affecting others.

Whether we realize it or not, our energy goes out into the world and affects everyone and everything around us. We emit an energy field around our body called the aura, as does every living thing on Earth. Our energy waves interact with the energy waves of others and determine their reaction to us, and our reaction to them.

Have you ever met someone and felt comfortable with them immediately? That is often because the frequency and vibration of your energy is in harmony with theirs. On the other hand, if you have felt immediately uncomfortable with a person for no apparent reason, feeling that they simply "rub you the wrong way", it is because your energy fields are incompatible, which makes you feel that you don't want to be around them.

There can be a variety of reasons for inharmonious energy, some of which can be karmic in nature. However, if there is a strong desire and intention on the part of both parties, it is possible to attune one's energy to be on the same wavelength as another person, thereby restoring harmony and peace in the relationship.

First, we must explore what are the causes of one person draining the energy of another. Neediness is the number one drain of energy in any relationship; a person who is needy can be a bottomless pit who is endlessly sucking energy from everyone around them. The need for love, for approval, for attention, for validation, for reassurance, etc., creates a constant need for energy from other people because the needy person feels empty. We cannot be filled or fulfilled from anything outside ourselves. Need is not love and neediness will eventually suck the life out of any relationship. A person who is needy must learn to heal themselves and love themselves, because lack of self-love is what creates that sense of emptiness and insecurity.

The second biggest drain of energy is the perennial victim or complainer. People who are constantly negative suck the joy out of life for themselves and for everyone around them. Joy creates and promotes positive energy while negativity creates a vacuum that can become suffocating for everyone around it.

With that said, being around someone who is too joyful or manic can also be draining. People who talk very fast, who are hyper-excited all the time and who are high on life can sometimes be very tiring to be around. This is because their energy vibrates on such a high frequency, like a hummingbird, that it can be tiring just to watch them or to listen to them. This is often the case with the natural exuberance of children. This does not mean that joyful people should tone down their joy just to make it more comfortable for others, but it would be helpful for everyone concerned if they meditated on maintaining peace and balance.

Criticism, judgment, and control are also very draining. People who find fault in others actually rob them of energy and power, while complementing or encouraging others empowers them. Those who seek to control, manipulate or abuse others systematically rob other people of their power over time with repeated criticism and put downs, which eventually makes other people feel powerless and worthless, thereby making them easier to control.

It can also be very draining to be around someone whose energy is chaotic and unpredictable. There are positive things about being spontaneous, or being a free spirit, but when one is around someone who could say or do anything at any moment, it can make a person feel somewhat apprehensive and on edge. Having to be on guard all the time creates tension and drains energy.

People who are users and takers are also draining, because they keep taking energy without giving anything back. All relationships require balance and reciprocity in order to be healthy, and if one keeps giving without receiving anything in return, it will eventually drain the life out of them.

The only way that one person's energy can infringe upon another person's energy is if one or both people do not have strong personal boundaries. Therefore, what is required in order to have peace and harmony in any relationship is for both parties to maintain healthy personal boundaries.

The first step in learning to establish personal boundaries is to create your own personal space. Do this by envisioning a thick bubble of white light all around you that contains your energy, and protects you from other people's energy. See this white light shining beautifully, emanating loving and peaceful energy, and attracting to you all that is in harmony with your energy and desires.

Imagine that there is a beautiful sun above you that is sending a beam of light down into your body, filling you full of love and light, filling you with joy, prosperity, peace and wellbeing. See that you are a pillar of light, and this light goes through your body from the sun above you and all the way into the center of the Earth. This pillar of light connects you to your infinite Source, allowing you to feel full and fulfilled, while also connecting you and grounding you to the Earth.

You can suggest that your friend does these same visualizations, or you can visualize them for him, seeing a sun above him, pouring light through him and into the center of the Earth, grounding and balancing him. See the light shining around him in a bubble, protecting him from other people's energies, and encasing his energy in his own personal space.

You can do these visualizations for anyone you love and care about, and also for those you find draining or intimidating. Sometimes it is not enough just to protect yourself and your own space, because if another person does not have personal boundaries, or does not respect the personal space or social boundaries of others, their energy can infringe upon yours. These visualizations can create healthy personal boundaries of protection for one and all.


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