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"HOW TO TRUST IN A RELATIONSHIP"

Question: "I just want to know if there is any way to bring trust back in a relationship."

Psychic Advice:
It can take months or years to build a home, but it can be destroyed in an instant - the same is true of trust. A broken heart can eventually heal, but once trust has been broken, it is difficult to restore. Trust is something that a person must earn by proving themselves to be trustworthy. This is true in any relationship, whether it is between friends, lovers, spouses, coworkers, or even parents and children - and trust must go both ways.

Trust forms the cornerstone of the foundation of any relationship, because when we choose to love another, we put our heart in their hands, and we must trust them to be kind, compassionate and considerate in order not to crush it. For us to be willing to love with an open heart, we must be able to feel safe with the one we love because love gives us strength, but it also makes us vulnerable.

When the cornerstone of trust is broken, the entire foundation of the relationship becomes damaged. This does not destroy love, but it can weaken it and alter it tremendously. Once trust is broken, that wound can fester and become infected by rage, vengeance, jealousy, suspicion, etc. These negative emotions are poisonous, and will kill love over time.

Any breach of trust is a betrayal and a form of lying, which can leave the victim wondering what other lies have been told in the past, and what lies may be ahead in the future. This can create a sense of being fooled and foolish, and can cause a person to question everything that they thought or felt about the one they love, and to wonder who that person really is. If left unhealed, this will destroy the relationship, and erode any trust and love that remains.

The most important part of any relationship is the relationship that one has with oneself. We teach others how to treat us by what we think and feel about ourselves, and how we believe we deserve to be treated. In order to have a happy, healthy relationship, it is vital that you love yourself and trust yourself. However, when trust is betrayed, it can challenge both of these things, leaving a person wondering what he or she did to deserve that treatment. It can also lead to self-doubt, and cause a person to question everything about themselves and others, leading to tremendous feelings of confusion and insecurity.
 
Trust can be healed, but it requires time, commitment, and a willingness to restore trust by all those concerned. Depending on the severity of the betrayal, a simple apology may not be enough. The perpetrator or transgressor must be willing to acknowledge what he or she has done, and must feel and show remorse for the pain that it caused the person they love. They must express that they are genuinely sorry, and have a sincere desire not to repeat the transgression ever again. And they must be willing to change their behavior and alter the circumstances so the pattern does not repeat itself. This may require counseling for one or both parties, and perhaps even some form of oath, or a written contract or agreement.

It is also up to the victim of the betrayal to be willing to forgive the other person. It is perfectly normal and natural to feel angry, hurt and upset when one is betrayed, but if one continues to feel this way, it keeps the wound alive in the present and never allows it to heal. The desire for revenge, or wanting to punish the other person for having hurt you will destroy the relationship. Wanting another person to suffer because they have caused you to suffer is not loving, it is torture for all concerned and only serves to compound the pain for everyone.

Often, a person remains angry, worried or suspicious because the other person has not said or done the right thing to make them feel safe, and to assure them that whatever happened will not happen again. It is up to the betrayer to prove that he/she is worthy of trust, but it is also up to the person who was betrayed to be willing to trust again. It is important not to keep setting tests or traps to prove trustworthiness, and not to keep questioning and interrogating the person, which will only push them away.

The person who has been hurt must express how the breach of trust made them feel, and the person who caused that pain needs to understand the other person's pain without denying it, deflecting it, justifying it, or being defensive. If they cannot feel remorse at having caused pain to one they love, then they cannot be trusted not to cause that pain again, because they have no compassion.

If someone has betrayed your trust and you feel that they deserve another chance for your love, tell them that they hurt you profoundly but you are willing to forgive them. Look that person in the eye and tell him/her that you must be able to trust them in order to continue loving them in the relationship. Tell them that you put your heart in their hands and that you will trust them not to hurt you again, all the while looking into their eyes to connect with their heart and soul.

Let them know that if they betray you again, the wound will be fatal and the relationship will be irreparable. If their response is sincere and you can feel it in your heart, then give them another chance. If not, save yourself the pain because they will only hurt you and betray you again. There must be a genuine desire, decision and commitment to change, or change will not happen. Remember, "Fool me once, shame on you; fool me twice, shame on me."

In order to be able to trust another, you must trust yourself and trust how you feel. Do not let suspicion, worry and paranoia interfere (inter-fear) with your intuition - always listen to how you feel inside yourself, and learn to trust that above all else no matter what you see or hear.


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