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LOVE WITH EX-HUSBAND

Question: "I got a divorce in haste with much regret. Is there any chance for reunion with my ex-husband? We still love each other."

Psychic Advice:
Every ending marks a new beginning, but you must first completely let go of the old before you can begin anew. Many people tend to romanticize a relationship after it ends, focusing on all the good things that they miss without remembering the pain and tension that caused the disharmony and the breakup. This can become a fantasy that leaves a person pining after the "one that got away", and it can be very similar to a "tall fish tale" because the story becomes bigger and better than the reality ever was.

It is important to really examine what went wrong with the relationship in a very honest way. You must look at both sides of the relationship and determine what areas you are compatible in, and what areas caused conflict. You must look at the choices and steps that each of you took; how did you dance the dance of life together, and what caused you to step on each other's toes? What were the actions and reactions that led to your divorce?

Obviously, the fact that you got divorced indicates that the relationship was not ideal. What were the flaws in your behavior toward each other, and can these flaws be healed or changed? Is there willingness on both sides to make these changes, and to make a commitment to love each other in the way that you both need and deserve to be loved?

The next step is to determine what you really want in life for yourself. Let go for a moment of the idea of your ex-husband being in your life, and let us explore what kind of life you really want, and how you want to live it. Start by writing down all the things you love to do and all the things that give you joy. Write down all that you want to see, do and experience in this lifetime and in this world. Write down how you want to live each day, and what your ideal day-to-day life would be like.

Now write down all that you want to feel and experience in a relationship: what kind of relationship do you want to have? What kind of person would you want to share your life with, and what qualities does he need to have? How do you want to be treated, and how do you want to interact with each other?

Now ask yourself, how does your ex-husband fit in with what you really want and need for yourself and your life? Does he have the qualities that you desire in a partner, and can he give you the kind of love that you really want and deserve? Does he enjoy or want the same things in life? Do you enjoy sharing some of the same experiences and have some of the same goals and values?

You do not need to be attached at the hip, but you do need to be on the same page in order to have a compatible and enjoyable relationship. Life's experiences are much more enjoyable when you can share them with the person you love, especially if that person also enjoys and appreciates them.

After answering all the above questions, if your ex-husband still looks good to you on paper and really fits with the life you want to live, then you can both consider starting over again (he should also answer the above questions so he can be sure of what he wants for himself). It is great that you still love each other, but you cannot begin a new relationship based on the old - this would be like baking a new recipe using spoiled ingredients, or building a new home on a crumbling foundation.

You must be willing to start again from the beginning. Don't assume that you already know each other, because you have both grown and changed through your experiences. Each of you may have undergone a change in goals or values, and perhaps a complete re-evaluation of what is really important in life.

If he is willing to reconnect, start by dating each other again. Get dressed up and excited about getting to know each other all over again - this time, with none of the games or pretenses that people often put on in the first few months of dating. Be willing to remove your masks, roles and disguises and really get to know each other, and in the process, allow yourself to really get to know yourself - discover who you truly are and what you really want.

A lifelong relationship must be built on a strong foundation, so take the time to establish and nurture a true friendship - friends grow old together. Don't be too quick to reignite passion and to become physically intimate, because passion can burn hot for a while, but it can also burn out - for this reason, passion is not a good basis upon which to build a lasting relationship. However, you can keep the fires of passion simmering and smoldering, which can keep passion and romance burning long and steady throughout a relationship.

Remember that true love and passion result from creating a deep and intimate connection with one another, therefore, caring, compassion and communication are very important. In order to build a lasting relationship, physical intimacy must be based on emotional intimacy and profound trust.

If you and/or your ex-husband decide that you do not want to reconnect, all of the suggestions above will still support you to maintain an amicable friendship with him, and will also assist you to know what you want in a new relationship. Following these guidelines will help you build a strong foundation of love and friendship upon which you can create a beautiful and loving home and partnership that will last a lifetime.


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You are always responsible for the choices you make and the actions you take."