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"WORDS OF GRATITUDE FOR FRIENDSHIP" Psychic Advice Column addresses inquiries related to: What's the best way to deal end a friendship, Friends reunited, How do you make amends with someone you upset, Dating + loss of friends, Need help coping with loss of best friend, Lost friend & more...

WORDS OF GRATITUDE FOR FRIENDSHIP

Question # 1: "While going through a difficult time, I failed to maintain an important friendship, and was moody and difficult with some others. I feel guilty and estranged from them. I guess I thought they would understand and forgive me, but I sense that they are wary of me. I want to make amends and return to the sweet friendship we all enjoyed together, but I am not sure how. I dread a tearful discussion that will open wounds and revisit my hard times that I am letting go and moving on from. Is there a better way?"

Psychic Advice:
Yes, there are several ways to make amends and heal estranged friendships. However, first it is important to understand what has happened and why. Many people choose to retreat when they are going through difficulty, partly to heal themselves on their own, partly out of the intention of not burdening others with their problems, and partly out of pride of not wanting others to see them in their moments of weakness. During these times, they can behave somewhat like a wounded animal, protecting themselves with ferocity so as not to show their weakness and vulnerability.

Moodiness, anger and aggression can be forms of protection to push people away in times of pain, frustration and insecurity. Under these circumstances, you can also develop an aura around you that is jagged, like broken glass, to keep people from getting close to you (the auric field is our first line of defense, protection and boundaries). Now that you have healed yourself, you may need to visualize smoothing out and softening your aura so people can feel comfortable coming near you again.

Retreating from the world when you need time for solitude and healing is normal, but others can be left feeling rejected or abandoned if they don't understand what is going on. We all need time to withdraw in order to go within and sort things out from time to time. This is a key phase of transformation, where the caterpillar must go into a cocoon in order to undergo the metamorphosis of becoming a butterfly. Now that you are the beautiful butterfly, you do not want to have to revisit the pain, discomfort and ugliness of the cocoon or the caterpillar. You want to return to your friends as the butterfly and keep things light and sweet, as they used to be.

Feeling guilty and estranged will only make things worse as guilt creates distance and pushes people away. You must accept that you did what you needed to do in order to undergo healing and transformation. However, your friends can only really understand what you've been through if you explain it to them, otherwise they will only see that you changed and pulled away. There are many ways to go about telling your story, and you can choose whichever avenue feels best and easiest for you.



How do You Make Amends with Someone You Upset?

It is wise to make a gesture of some kind toward your friend(s). The best way is probably through a card or a letter, which are much warmer than email. You could also make a phone call, but you could encounter coldness or distance from your friends over the phone, especially if they are wary of you. In a card or letter, it will be much easier for you to take the time to craft and compose what you really want to say.


Words of Gratitude for Friendship

In your note, begin by expressing all that you are grateful for about your friendship, and how special that person is to you. Mention happy memories of times together, and how much you have appreciated your friend's support over the years. Talk about how much this friendship means to you, and that you don't want to lose it.

Then you can go into the story of what has happened to you through your recent period of difficulty. In writing, you can choose how you tell your story and how much detail you divulge. You can simply say that you have been through a very challenging time that caused you to withdraw and behave in ways that were uncomfortable for you, and for everyone, but now that you have come out the other side, you are ready to re-emerge as a new and improved version of yourself. You can make this as short or as long as you like, and you can even choose whether the tone is serious or find a way to make it humorous.

Friends Reunited

Another approach would be to throw a "Rebirth-day Party" in which you invite your friends to celebrate the new you. You could send out invitations with a butterfly on them, and simply explain that you have recently undergone a painful transformation, that may have exhibited some ugliness at times, but now you want to celebrate the beauty, joy and freedom of being in the light at the end of what has been a long, dark tunnel. You can say that you no longer identify with the past of the caterpillar, or the bitchiness of the cocoon, and that you want to invite your friends to share with you now in the garden of de-light. You can choose whether you do this as a one-on-one invitation with each of your friends individually, or whether you throw a party for everyone at once, inviting them to "return to the sweet friendship we all enjoyed together". The party would also give you the option of making a small speech or toast to say everything to everyone at once, in either a serious or humorous way.

What's the best way to deal with
the end of a friendship?

If these gestures of friendship do not work, then it is time to let go. When you change, it means that everything around you must also change; either your relationships will change and grow with you, or they will choose not to change and you will grow apart. It may take some time before they are ready for such a change, and therefore you may reconnect at some time in the future.

All transformation involves death and rebirth: the old must die to make room for the new to be born. Sometimes the old will simply fall away, so you must be willing to let go of what no longer serves you and what no longer reflects who you are. Friends come to us to give us what we need, and show us the reflection of ourselves that we need to see at a particular time. Some friendships are like family and are meant to last a lifetime, some last many lifetimes as part of our soul group, and some friendships come and go. Some friends may only wish to be there in "fair weather", and may bail out whenever a storm hits.

The key is to express words of gratitude for friendship and accept the gifts that you've received, no matter what they are. Remember that the most important friendship in your life is your friendship with yourself. When you love and honor yourself and what you need, you will attract those who will love and honor you, and who support you in what you need - this is true love and friendship.

Question # 2: "I wanted to know if I will one day become friends with my ex-best friend again. She was my best friend for 2 years, and she has a boyfriend now. I'm unsure if he will last, but she pushed all her friends away, though she doesn't think so. Do you think we'll be friends again in the future?"

Dating + loss of friends

It is very common for people to change when they begin dating someone, and it is easy for them to get caught up in their relationship and want to spend time alone with the person they are dating. If this pattern persists in their relationship, it can often be because the guy she is dating is insecure and wants to keep her away from her friends so he can have her all to himself. This can be a form of control and manipulation, and can sometimes lead to abusive behavior.

Abusers often seek to isolate their partner from friends and family so they can have total control over them, which is almost a type of brainwashing. This creates a feeling of complete dependence, vulnerability, and lack of autonomy that allows one person to become dominant over another - taking power from them so they feel powerless. In many cases, when these relationships do end, the person usually returns to their friends and family, but they often feel somewhat weak, confused and ashamed, not knowing if they will be loved and accepted again.


Need help coping with loss of best friend

The best thing that you can do is to continue to love her, even at a distance. You can send her a note or a card - it is better to make it a handwritten letter that she can keep and feel the energy of, rather than an email or text message. Make sure that you don't criticize her or her boyfriend in the note, and don't tell her that she is pushing her friends away. Simply express words of gratitude for your friendship, and tell her how much you miss laughing with her and doing things with her, but also tell her that you understand that she wants to spend her time with her boyfriend.

In the note, tell her that you're around if she ever wants to talk or do things, and that she can always call on you - no questions asked - if she ever needs anything. Tell her that you will always be her friend and that you will always love and care about her, no matter what, because that's what real friends are for, and that is what you are. Be patient, and just keep sending her love, not judgment. Right now, she needs to have this experience with her boyfriend, but one day, she will most likely need her friends again, and hopefully you will still be there for her when she does. In the meantime, you must go on with your life, and seek out new friends who can enjoy and appreciate you for who you are.

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