Free Weekly Syndicated Advice Columns
Published Every Wednesday Afternoon (PST)

"WHY PEOPLE FEEL THE NEED TO BULLY" Psychic Advice Column addresses inquiries related to:Who is the target of a workplace bully?, How do you think you can stop the bully from bullying you?, What kind of bullying does the bully do to you?, Employers dealing with workplace bullies, Bully prevention for high school, Why do people bully?, and more...

WHY PEOPLE FEEL THE NEED TO BULLY

"Why do people bully? "

Psychic Advice:
A bully is anyone who uses power and intimidation to control or overpower someone else. Bullies can affect the lives of others profoundly, which is how they derive their power. They feed off the energy of other people's fear and intimidation, and steal power from others in order to feel more powerful. They also feed off the approbation and admiration that their supporters give them. People who bully others feel weak, inferior and inadequate, so they bully others to prove their strength, superiority and power.

"Who is the target of a workplace bully? "

Bullying is not confined to the schoolyard. There are many people who bully others at work, at home, or anywhere that they can vent their anger and rage, and use it to control other people. Bullies like to single out those who keep to themselves. They look for people who don't interact much socially, and who don't have strong social support. Like wolves, bullies hunt their prey by looking for signs of weakness, such as hunched shoulders or other signs of low self-esteem. Bullies also like to put on a show for other people, turning the workplace into a gladiatorial arena where they can entertain an audience by attacking someone else.

Employers dealing with workplace bullies are often intimidated by the bullies also, and pretend to turn a blind eye to the bullying. Employers must use their position of power to disempower the bully, but not through public humiliation in front of other co-workers. The best approach is for an employer to speak to the bully privately and insist that the bully attend anger management courses, or some form of counseling, or training in empathy and compassion. The bully needs to be encouraged to vent anger and frustrations in a healthy way so they don't hurt anyone at work or at home. People who bully others at work can often be abusive at home also, so an employer who insists on the bully getting help will not only make the workplace more pleasant and productive for everyone, but also will stop the spread of abuse.

If the bully is the boss, this can make life very difficult, but there are a few things you can do. Remember that bullies are trying to make themselves look superior and feel better about who they are - they build themselves up by putting others down. They are often covering up enormous insecurities and use bullying and abuse so no one can see their weaknesses. No matter what is said or done to you, hold your head high and stand tall in your power. You can try complimenting the boss on various actions or decisions, but don't use false flattery to "suck up" to him/her. Do your work in a way that makes the boss look good. If the boss continues to bully you or other co-workers, you may need to speak to their superior if there is one, or try to find another job. It may not be worth suffering abuse just to get a paycheck.

"How do you think you can stop the bully from bullying you?"

This depends on what kind of bullying the bully does to you. If the bullying is focused on shame and humiliation, then the key is not to react, because the bully is deriving power and pleasure from your reaction and from watching you suffer humiliation. Hold your head up high and ignore the bully, and continue with what you are doing. If the bullying is violent, or threatens violence, it might be wise to speak to the police (whether you are an adult or a child), to register a complaint so it is on record, because this type of bullying can become very dangerous. If the police are willing to show their presence, this can be intimidating to the bully, especially if they have any type of criminal record, but it also can further infuriate the bully.

It can also be helpful to study martial arts. This is not necessarily about fighting back, but martial arts can give you tools to feel more confident and more empowered. If you know how to protect yourself and take care of yourself, you will stand differently and walk differently. You will have an aura of strength about you, and you are likely not to invite negative attention. Martial arts such as Aikido teach you to deflect negative energy rather than engaging in it. There are non-violent martial arts that do not promote fighting but instead develop inner strength and self-confidence. These are the most powerful tools for dealing with bullies, because when you exude inner strength and self-confidence, bullies do not see you as weak prey, and will usually walk right past you unless you threaten them in some way.

"How can you send a bully telepathic messages?"


We are all connected to one another, and we have the ability to connect with others empathically and telepathically, regardless of distance. There are several ways to do this. One way is to speak to another person's Higher Self, and the best time to do this is while they are sleeping. The Higher Self is the aspect of our soul that oversees the choices we make on our life path - it is stronger than our mind or ego, and it has the power to influence what we do in life. You can reason with a person's Higher Self to help them resolve their own issues, and also to resolve their issues with you.

When communicating with the Higher Self of a bully, imagine that person and call forth their Higher Self in your mind. Have a mental conversation with their Higher Self, saying that you understand that they have been hurt in their life and are in pain, and that inflicting pain on others helps them to feel better temporarily. Express that they don't need to feel inadequate or inferior anymore, and they don't need to keep proving that they are superior either. Tell them that it is okay to feel afraid, and they don't have to see fear as weakness, or cover it with rage and anger. Tell their Higher Self that you know that they feel bad inside, but that they don't have to behave badly or be a bad person. They don't have to hide behind aggression or get negative attention just because they don't feel worthy of being loved or appreciated for who they really are. Tell them that they can feel safe to remove the mask of pain, and take on the role of positive leadership, which will feel much better and more empowering for everyone, and will get them the kind of attention that they really want.

When you speak this way with their Higher Self, you can also work with what is known as "Remote Influencing". Imagine that you are the bully, that you are in his or her skin, and that you can think and feel everything that he/she thinks or feels. Feel the pain, fear, and inferiority that the bully feels, and the desire to "get rid" of these negative feelings. See yourself through the bully's eyes, and see how the bully sees you. Now, still feeling yourself inside the bully's skin, let the bully see you differently - imagine the bully seeing you standing tall, glowing in light, radiating pride and power, and feel the bully no longer seeing you as a victim, but instead looking upon you with respect and admiration. Feel the bully shifting how he/she feels about himself/herself - feeling more empowered, at peace, self-assured and kind. Feel the bully waking up in the morning with a change of heart, choosing to be a more positive role model for others. You can do this exercise every night until this situation improves.

Imagine that there is a magnificent sun above the bully's head, and see that sun sending down a beam of light that enters the bully through the top of his/her head. See this light pouring into their heart, healing their heart and filling it so full with love, light and joy that it overflows and fills their entire body with divine light. Imagine this light filling their body so full that the light overflows all around their body, surrounding them in a bubble of white light that contains their energy, protecting them and protecting you. Bullies often have no boundaries, usually because their boundaries have been harmed or violated in some way (often through abuse they suffered). By creating a boundary of light around them, you create healthy boundaries that will help them feel safe, and therefore they will not feel the need to be so threatening to others.

You also want to visualize a magnificent sun above your head, sending you a beam of light that enters your body through the top of your head. It fills your body so full with light that it overflows all around you and surrounds you with a bubble of divine light. This light is your forcefield of protection that serves as your personal space in this world. When people get scared or have low self-esteem, they often shrink their light or withdraw it altogether. They make themselves small and think that this will protect them, but in fact, it makes them more vulnerable to attack. Those who prey on others, both man and beast, look for those who are weaker. If you walk with your head down and shrink your light, it sends the message that you feel inferior, and are therefore more prone to being a victim, Victimizers rarely attack those who are strong and self-assured, so you must stand tall, and expand your forcefield of light around you. The more you feel threatened and afraid, the more you must expand your light.

Look the bully in the eye with respect, not with fear. Stand tall and proud - imagine that you have roots like a tree going into the Earth, and that you are powerful and immovable. Feel that the bubble of light around you is a deflective shield like a mirror that deflects negative energy away from you. Feel that this light around you makes you invisible to any negative forces, and that this light can be like camouflage that lets you blend into your surroundings when you wish to, so you are cloaked and invisible at will.

You can call upon angels to help you and stand with you in divine protection. You can also imagine Archangel Michael standing directly behind you with his sword of protection. You can send angels to the bully, and ask the angels to bring the bully peace, calm and healing.

If the bully is particularly aggressive, you can imagine the bully surrounded in a pink pyramid of light that contains his/her power. Imagine this pyramid shrinking down until it becomes miniscule, then send it out into space until you cannot see it anymore - this binds their power so they cannot misuse it. If faced with someone who is very angry, focus the energy of love on their heart chakra, and breathe in the energy of peace. Call upon the divine to bring them peace and healing instantly.

Those who seek to hurt others have usually suffered great pain themselves. Inflicting pain on others gives them temporary relief from their own pain, but this will only perpetuate the cycle until someone breaks the chain of pain and abuse. Bullies need healing. People can only hurt others if they do not feel compassion for others - usually this is because no one has ever shown them compassion. You need to teach them love and compassion by feeling love and compassion for them. This will be a great test of your strength, but it will be healing and empowering for everyone.

It is important to remember that bullying is often an ego trip by someone who feels inferior or inadequate. Those who support the bully also feel inferior and inadequate, and are not comfortable in their own skin. Remember that much of our communication is non-verbal - we communicate with others through our energy, body language, thoughts and emotions. Humans, like animals, can sense fear and can prey on weakness, because humans are animals (some more than others). It is essential that you raise your vibration above fear and find the way to feel empowered in the face of those who act superior because they feel inferior. Don't judge them or fear them, but have compassion for them. Wish them well.



 Send this article to a friend (click here)

Copyright ©2009 Grace & Grace Associates Consulting, Inc. All Rights Reserved

"Responsibility is power. You have the power of choice.
You are always responsible for the choices you make and the actions you take."